Random thoughts
Sweetie,
I just got back from lunch/dinner to celebrate Grandpa's 95th birthday. Watching him got me thinking about so many things. On the 27th of this month, he will be without grandma for 14 years. I remember the day she passed, he looked at me and said "you just lost your best friend...I'm sorry". Grandma and I had a bond like no other. He also told me that he would like to go to sleep that night and not wake up .. he couldn't bear the thought of being without her. He misses her just as much now as he did that first year. He tells me often how he understands my loss and what I am feeling. It is good to have someone close who really "gets it".
I remember the horrible feeling of loss when grandma passed and wondered if I'd ever get over losing her. After 14 years, I still think of her often and sometimes feel the same sadness as the day she passed but I'm also able to smile at many memories. I realize now that I will forever miss you but I hold out hope that some day I can feel peace and comfort when remembering you and our life together instead of the raw pain I feel now. It's like grandpa says, you never get over the loss and you will welcome the day you are reunited, but until then, we have no choice .. life goes on. We struggle through each day and sometimes wish that life didn't go on, but somehow we make it through.
Grandpa had a great time with everyone today and he knows how blessed he is, but his eyes still reveal the pain and loneliness of losing his soul mate. I guess I finally realized that is what is in store for me .. I'll forever love and miss you and look forward to reuniting but until then, I have to find a way to get through each day just as grandpa has. I have no desire to live 30-40 years without you so instead of thinking ahead for now, I have to focus on one day at a time.
I love you sweetie .. give grandma a hug for me!
P.S. You both need to watch over grandpa .. he just got his drivers license renewed !! lol
I just got back from lunch/dinner to celebrate Grandpa's 95th birthday. Watching him got me thinking about so many things. On the 27th of this month, he will be without grandma for 14 years. I remember the day she passed, he looked at me and said "you just lost your best friend...I'm sorry". Grandma and I had a bond like no other. He also told me that he would like to go to sleep that night and not wake up .. he couldn't bear the thought of being without her. He misses her just as much now as he did that first year. He tells me often how he understands my loss and what I am feeling. It is good to have someone close who really "gets it".
I remember the horrible feeling of loss when grandma passed and wondered if I'd ever get over losing her. After 14 years, I still think of her often and sometimes feel the same sadness as the day she passed but I'm also able to smile at many memories. I realize now that I will forever miss you but I hold out hope that some day I can feel peace and comfort when remembering you and our life together instead of the raw pain I feel now. It's like grandpa says, you never get over the loss and you will welcome the day you are reunited, but until then, we have no choice .. life goes on. We struggle through each day and sometimes wish that life didn't go on, but somehow we make it through.
Grandpa had a great time with everyone today and he knows how blessed he is, but his eyes still reveal the pain and loneliness of losing his soul mate. I guess I finally realized that is what is in store for me .. I'll forever love and miss you and look forward to reuniting but until then, I have to find a way to get through each day just as grandpa has. I have no desire to live 30-40 years without you so instead of thinking ahead for now, I have to focus on one day at a time.
I love you sweetie .. give grandma a hug for me!
P.S. You both need to watch over grandpa .. he just got his drivers license renewed !! lol
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