Random thoughts

Sweetie,
I just got back from lunch/dinner to celebrate Grandpa's 95th birthday. Watching him got me thinking about so many things. On the 27th of this month, he will be without grandma for 14 years. I remember the day she passed, he looked at me and said "you just lost your best friend...I'm sorry". Grandma and I had a bond like no other. He also told me that he would like to go to sleep that night and not wake up .. he couldn't bear the thought of being without her. He misses her just as much now as he did that first year. He tells me often how he understands my loss and what I am feeling. It is good to have someone close who really "gets it".
I remember the horrible feeling of loss when grandma passed and wondered if I'd ever get over losing her. After 14 years, I still think of her often and sometimes feel the same sadness as the day she passed but I'm also able to smile at many memories. I realize now that I will forever miss you but I hold out hope that some day I can feel peace and comfort when remembering you and our life together instead of the raw pain I feel now. It's like grandpa says, you never get over the loss and you will welcome the day you are reunited, but until then, we have no choice .. life goes on. We struggle through each day and sometimes wish that life didn't go on, but somehow we make it through.
Grandpa had a great time with everyone today and he knows how blessed he is, but his eyes still reveal the pain and loneliness of losing his soul mate. I guess I finally realized that is what is in store for me .. I'll forever love and miss you and look forward to reuniting but until then, I have to find a way to get through each day just as grandpa has. I have no desire to live 30-40 years without you so instead of thinking ahead for now, I have to focus on one day at a time.
I love you sweetie .. give grandma a hug for me!
P.S. You both need to watch over grandpa .. he just got his drivers license renewed !! lol

Replies

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deleted_user

A wonderful journal entry. It is true that we will forever love and miss our spouses...that\'s what makes this so difficult. Wishing you peace...Nancy
deleted_user
deleted_user

Your journal made me think of my Nana...how I loved her, I was named after her and she was a grandmother ahead of her time. We lost her in 1990 to Alzhiemers at the age of 91. And I think of her often...and I will forever miss my best friend and soul mate..but as you say we have many years to go before we sleep...as Robert Frost said ...and Miles to go before I sleep and miles to go before I sleep...Hugs Ellen
deleted_user
deleted_user

this was so beautiful and so true. i wish all of us peace of mind and heart, even if just for a moment.
hugs
judi
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh. Oh. Oh. Your post touched me so.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Pam - Your grandpa sounds like such a wonderful and wise man. You are so lucky to have him close. He is right - as my Mom has said after losing two husbands in her 92 years of life - we just find a way to make it through each day. That\'s really all we can do - especially now - life goes on; the world moves around us - and we take one step at a time.
Thanks for sharing this with us - and thanks for being on this journey, side by side with me. Your friendship is invaluable to me. Sending you a hug,
Chris