Random
soooo, just was looking at how I have goals on here that I still haven't accomplished. Much harder than I thought obviously. Would be nice if I could finish just one. Doubt I will achieve the weight one, but don't really care if I don't weigh 49Kg. I'm happy with 52-54kgs. Though I am thinking I may start to gain a bit more now that it is winter, and all I really feel like doing is eating and sleeping. It is soooooooooo hard to exercise in winter! I am dreading going to my new course in July, it is going to be sooo cold!
So anyway, things to not look forward to is my dreaded blood demon, which I know will come in a week or two. It really feels like I have this creature inside me at those times, clawing at my insides. It makes me just want to die .
Not to mention my mood is always terrible, and I don't know if what I am feeling is real, or my period is just making it seem like it is more than it is. At those times a lot, I wish that I had someone there to just hold me and give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be alright.
I am glad though that I have loving people around me, near and far. And I know God is always with me, and he is looking after me in those times.
I am also glad that this year has been one of the best years I have had in awhile. My last kind of good year was in 2008. But this year is already better than 2008 so far. Mostly because I feel needed and loved. That there is someone who loves me out there. That I who couldn't attract anyone in my own country got the attention of someone half a world away. I never will stop being amazed by that fact. I really feel how much the Lord does love me in this one relationship. Even though it is also one of the most hardest things for me too, because I sometimes wonder if it is all but a dream, because I have never met him face to face.
But I am glad it is not, I would take reality over a dream any day. Pretty much half my life I lived in a dreamland, indulging in novels that would take me away from my crap life and writing stories, where the main character was always an extremely shy girl who had a crush on a guy but was always afraid to do something about it. I always would make her beautiful, in one she had red hair and brilliant green eyes. Everyone at school would bully her because she was different, but when she moved to another school she caught the eye of an artist who had a love for the out of the normal. He instantly fell for her otherworldly looks, and would watch her from a far.
While she was none the wiser. Somehow I would bring them together, and would imagine that it was me, that someday I too would have that guy who would love me too.
Anyway I am tired of my dreams. I still have some dreams, but I tend to think of them now as more goals I want to achieve in my life. I find it so hard to read novels now anyway, just feels like nothing can replace the real thing. Though I still can't help watching movies! Absolutely love them! Though I must confess the last time I went to the movies, I really longed to be actually going there on a date. Instead of just me alone, of course it didn't help that I was the only one in the theatre that day! That was an experience in itself!
So I don't know what the point of this journal entry was, I swear I just went on here, so I could make myself late to bed again. Just when I need to get up to practice my driving for my test in a few weeks too! I am soooo bad! Also wouldn't kill me to get a better sleeping schedule before my course starts, so I won't be so drained when I am there!
Guess I'll go to bed now, it is 12:50am here. Should've gone to bed two hours ago.
So anyway, things to not look forward to is my dreaded blood demon, which I know will come in a week or two. It really feels like I have this creature inside me at those times, clawing at my insides. It makes me just want to die .
Not to mention my mood is always terrible, and I don't know if what I am feeling is real, or my period is just making it seem like it is more than it is. At those times a lot, I wish that I had someone there to just hold me and give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be alright.
I am glad though that I have loving people around me, near and far. And I know God is always with me, and he is looking after me in those times.
I am also glad that this year has been one of the best years I have had in awhile. My last kind of good year was in 2008. But this year is already better than 2008 so far. Mostly because I feel needed and loved. That there is someone who loves me out there. That I who couldn't attract anyone in my own country got the attention of someone half a world away. I never will stop being amazed by that fact. I really feel how much the Lord does love me in this one relationship. Even though it is also one of the most hardest things for me too, because I sometimes wonder if it is all but a dream, because I have never met him face to face.
But I am glad it is not, I would take reality over a dream any day. Pretty much half my life I lived in a dreamland, indulging in novels that would take me away from my crap life and writing stories, where the main character was always an extremely shy girl who had a crush on a guy but was always afraid to do something about it. I always would make her beautiful, in one she had red hair and brilliant green eyes. Everyone at school would bully her because she was different, but when she moved to another school she caught the eye of an artist who had a love for the out of the normal. He instantly fell for her otherworldly looks, and would watch her from a far.
While she was none the wiser. Somehow I would bring them together, and would imagine that it was me, that someday I too would have that guy who would love me too.
Anyway I am tired of my dreams. I still have some dreams, but I tend to think of them now as more goals I want to achieve in my life. I find it so hard to read novels now anyway, just feels like nothing can replace the real thing. Though I still can't help watching movies! Absolutely love them! Though I must confess the last time I went to the movies, I really longed to be actually going there on a date. Instead of just me alone, of course it didn't help that I was the only one in the theatre that day! That was an experience in itself!
So I don't know what the point of this journal entry was, I swear I just went on here, so I could make myself late to bed again. Just when I need to get up to practice my driving for my test in a few weeks too! I am soooo bad! Also wouldn't kill me to get a better sleeping schedule before my course starts, so I won't be so drained when I am there!
Guess I'll go to bed now, it is 12:50am here. Should've gone to bed two hours ago.
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