Rambling on!!!
First of all Thank You all for your supportive comments on my last journal...I thank my lucky stars I have all of you as my Family of Angels, Sisters of the heart, what a gift, I love you all!!! I may not get back as often as I should,,, Know there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you moms and all our angels.. <3
I hope everyone had a great, good, ok, Easter!! I know how hard it is around the Holidays, the day itself is usually ok. its the days before that we dread..!! It was a great one this year, except for not having Erica home, she has been busy finishing up her last days of dental assistant classes, along with work... Easter Sunday Lan's family and I went to a restaurant, "The Old Salt" for brunch, all 20 of us, then we had pictures taken..Then later that afternoon we went to my younger brothers house, Eric and his wife Tina, my parents and nephew and 2 nieces, 1 niece Ashley is married with a 2 year old daughter Addison and Pregnant with the 2nd one..It was nice being around a little one..The circle of life!!! Wow, its hard to believe I'm a great aunt, like my great aunt Lucy, LOL, my grandmother Margerite and my great aunt Lucy, her husband Rocky use go every where together, after my grandfarther passed away.... My grandfather had died back when I was 12 yrs old, he drown in an boating accident..Very sad scary accident, my dad and another guy were about a mile out in the ocean and the boat conked out and the waves tipped the boat over...The Shock of it gave my grandfather a heart attack, he was/is my dads father...My dad helped him up on the upside down boat and held his hand and realized his dad was dead and couldn't hold on to him anymore..My dad said the water was so cold he had to keep kicking and swimming or he would of drown too. Somebody spotted him with binoculars and the Coast Guard recued them..The other Guy kept on the upside down boat, he was to old to swim..My dad said he had to keep swimming to try and get help, all he kept thinking was getting home to my mom and us kids, and I'm sure knowing his dad was dead he had to keep moving to cope..My dad said if the coast guard didn't come he would of drown too...YOU KNOW, I even had a PREMONITION that morning before I went to school..My dad told me they were going deep sea fishing that day and they were gonna take my older brother, he was 14 at the time... I kept telling my dad not to go over and over again, my dad said they would be ok..I told him I had a feeling something bad was going to happen, don't go!!! That afternoon my Aunt came to pick me up at a friends house after school, and I stopped in my tracks, I heart dropped.. She said come home with me, there was an accident, your grandfather drown, I held my breath, I didn't dare to hear what she was going to say about my dad and brother..She said my father was ok and they decided not to take my brother Ralphie with them..Then the Shock set in...THROUGHOUT my whole life I had these darn Premonitions, overwheming feelings, something bad was going to happen...For those who don't know me I've had these horrible feelings throughout my son Ryans life... Oh ya, I forgot I had a dream of my dead Grandfather who drown who has been gone for years, before Ryan died I had a very vivid dream of my Grandfather, he was SO alive in this dream, I could see him as clear as if he was alive, he said to me, I've always been alive, and I woke up believing in what he said, I never felt so connected to him ever before...After Ryan died I knew without a doubt my grand father was the one who met Ryan at the gates of heaven...Its a strong feeling...I told my dad that and he looked at me and said he doesn't believe in that stuff...This is another reason why I don't like telling these stories to people who don't believe in anything they have such big EGO's it is sickning...LOL, True though, speaking for myself....
Now that I look back at Why I had felt like this was from when I was 6 years old my 2 yr old brother had died from Lukemia, and So many other family members and friends through my life, even friends that had bad car accidents and never have been the same since...As life goes and start a family of our own we surpress it all deep in our souls, we continue on, having our children an the LOVE we share with them gets us through life, my favorite part of my life is having my 2 little ones Ryan & Erica!!!!! Ok I seem to be all over the place here rambling on!! O' well thats ME!! Acceptance!!! I am who i am.......See I don't journal much and I started this a few days ago, and here I go again, I hope I'm not boring you, LOL!!!!
I had hugh overwhelming feelings for a couple months of not being able to breath and had to go to the doctors for it, nothing, I went to my chiropractor, he gave me a few ajustments for about a month, I felt better so I went on with regular life work and all, and teenage kids in and out of my house constantly eating all my food, at the time I was spending $250.00 a week,these days it would be $ 350 a wk, Ryan would come home with about 4 or 5 guys after highschool almost every day and would eat it all, BUT Now when I look back it brings a smile to my face. I'm glad I did...When I bump into his friends they mention how they loved coming over my house to eat..They all loved coming to my house, all the kids use to call my mother nanny, they said when they got done with my food the went into nannys for more, so she was also feeding them too, my mom loved the kids coming over, It was what her life was all about the kids she, see at the time my dad was drinking alot out in the bar rooms, but never had adrink at home, after his father drown in front of him he took off drinking, he finally quit 8 yrs ago, a year before Ryan died..
I'm jumping around again, lol...I had dreams of someones gonna die...The thing is before those bad feelings, for 3 years every morning I was into "Praying" I was in a 12 step program.. I turned my live over to God, AS MY OWN UNDERSTANDING OF HIM, my own conception of my God...So I would pray every morning, I would say the 3rd step prayer, for others, for the happiness and good health of family & friends...The weird thing is I use to say Please God don't let anything bad happen to my kids as well as family and friends kids, Then I would say unless something really bad is going to happen to them, like something they wouldn't beable to handle....Before my Son went to heaven I had hugh Visions of something big in the news papers headlines, SO much fear it was unbelievable...Down the road a little, it was hugh head lines, YES IT WAS MY SON RYAN AND HIS PICTURE!!! I'll have to find some of my journals, im not much of a journal person, when I do I go in all kinds of directions, lol.I need to write more cause it does make me feel better..I need a balanced life and never could do it... Thought I was at the time, but boy now my life has been turned upside down, it so obvious, to me anyway. I'm still learning and still trudging the road to a happy destiny!
You know the other day I walked by my Son Ryans senior pictures, as I wallked around the corner into my bedroom I said out loud to myself "THIS FUCKING SUCKS"! I heard myself and I thought about how far I've come, all these 7 years..It still a struggle waking up in the morning to sadness everyday.. It is also bothering me so bad, I NEED TO ORGINIZE MY PICTURE!! URRRRRR.... I have so many to share with everyone and its something I have to do, I can do it, JUST DO IT! RIGHT..........................................................................................................!!!!!
I went to Emily's celebration of life 2 weeks ago, it was snowing out really bad and very slippery on the way to the funeral home. Anyway nothing holds me down when it comes to being there for another mom in need and support. I know myself when I was in there shoes it was very comforting hugging another mom who has lost a child, it helps to know we aren't alone. They had 2 viewings "wake" visiting hours 2 to 4 and 6 to 8, in between all family and friends went to a restaurant down the street, when I got there the hostess lead me to the back room..It had been years since I seen these people, it was like I walked in to the room full of family members I haven't seen for 13 years, since I sold my Hair Salon...and all their little children grown into young adults, I felt like I was part of them, it was so comforting, everyone had aready ate and some had drinks. Before we had to get back to the wake everyone who had something to say about Emily and the fun times they had with her stood up to give a little speech... It was really really nice, and of course I had to stand up and tell about Emily and her mom Lisa were pregnant at the same time, when she came into my hair salon 21 years ago. We both had our baby girls 2 days apart from another in the same hospital... Emily lisa's daughter and my Erica never knew one another until they were teenagers..The story was in the last journal....Anyway we all left for the funeral home, it was a old house with small rooms, between the people I glanced at Emily in the casket she was bleached blonde thats all I saw and then the people were in the way, I couldn't see her.. to me it was a shocker cuz she had dark dark beautiful brown hair, she didn't look like Emily. Her mom Lisa hated her blonde hair, she said Emily told her, but mom I get better tips with blonde hair, LOL...
Lisa and I were talking on facebook and commented on her posts and I would send her some nice sayings for grieving moms.. I had mentioned going out to lunch anytime when she was ready. She asked me if I wanted to go on wednesday at 1:00.. I was excited and we went, it was very nice peaceful, we felt comfortable with one another..She was Amazing, she looked so at peace with everything.. She asked me when is it gonna hit her. I was silent for a minute and said everyone grieves different, but usually its the second year is usual the worst..From my experience and talking with other grieving moms on our group of woman ForMomsOnly, site...I told her all about DS and joining FMO, she wants to check it out, I told her all about the retreats we go on once a year.. And how we Journal and the the moms comment their experiences.. I said its a save place to go and speak about anything,, we all understand...And someday soon your gonna realize everyone else moves on and we are still wanting to talk and keep our child alive, everyone else that doesn't understand thinks we should be over it even our family & so call friends.. She has a few friend who have lost a child, so we may try to have lunch together..
To me my friends are my FMO friends, actually these are my new family members...Which helps tremendously in the MY real world.. LOL but True!!!! I Love You guys, especially when we all meet up once a year, and give those REAL HUGS, it is such a warm loving feeling cuz it feels like we all belong together as if ALL OUR CHILDREN are with us..The sad part of it is, speaking for myself when we go home after the retreat the depression sets in for awhile cuz its like we have another year to wait to see all our Children again, within ourselves, our childrens spirit that is back inside ourselves, as their Momma!! Now when I get home from the retreats I think of it as being able to get together with our Children once a year.. This is what I have learned to for myself, do you agree with that?!?!....
I need to go before I lose this like I have in the past...Im not gonna reread this I hope it comes out right!!!!!Sometime i repeat myself or i didn't erase it, lol
I LOVE YOU MOMS!
Kelly, Ryan's mom! <3
I hope everyone had a great, good, ok, Easter!! I know how hard it is around the Holidays, the day itself is usually ok. its the days before that we dread..!! It was a great one this year, except for not having Erica home, she has been busy finishing up her last days of dental assistant classes, along with work... Easter Sunday Lan's family and I went to a restaurant, "The Old Salt" for brunch, all 20 of us, then we had pictures taken..Then later that afternoon we went to my younger brothers house, Eric and his wife Tina, my parents and nephew and 2 nieces, 1 niece Ashley is married with a 2 year old daughter Addison and Pregnant with the 2nd one..It was nice being around a little one..The circle of life!!! Wow, its hard to believe I'm a great aunt, like my great aunt Lucy, LOL, my grandmother Margerite and my great aunt Lucy, her husband Rocky use go every where together, after my grandfarther passed away.... My grandfather had died back when I was 12 yrs old, he drown in an boating accident..Very sad scary accident, my dad and another guy were about a mile out in the ocean and the boat conked out and the waves tipped the boat over...The Shock of it gave my grandfather a heart attack, he was/is my dads father...My dad helped him up on the upside down boat and held his hand and realized his dad was dead and couldn't hold on to him anymore..My dad said the water was so cold he had to keep kicking and swimming or he would of drown too. Somebody spotted him with binoculars and the Coast Guard recued them..The other Guy kept on the upside down boat, he was to old to swim..My dad said he had to keep swimming to try and get help, all he kept thinking was getting home to my mom and us kids, and I'm sure knowing his dad was dead he had to keep moving to cope..My dad said if the coast guard didn't come he would of drown too...YOU KNOW, I even had a PREMONITION that morning before I went to school..My dad told me they were going deep sea fishing that day and they were gonna take my older brother, he was 14 at the time... I kept telling my dad not to go over and over again, my dad said they would be ok..I told him I had a feeling something bad was going to happen, don't go!!! That afternoon my Aunt came to pick me up at a friends house after school, and I stopped in my tracks, I heart dropped.. She said come home with me, there was an accident, your grandfather drown, I held my breath, I didn't dare to hear what she was going to say about my dad and brother..She said my father was ok and they decided not to take my brother Ralphie with them..Then the Shock set in...THROUGHOUT my whole life I had these darn Premonitions, overwheming feelings, something bad was going to happen...For those who don't know me I've had these horrible feelings throughout my son Ryans life... Oh ya, I forgot I had a dream of my dead Grandfather who drown who has been gone for years, before Ryan died I had a very vivid dream of my Grandfather, he was SO alive in this dream, I could see him as clear as if he was alive, he said to me, I've always been alive, and I woke up believing in what he said, I never felt so connected to him ever before...After Ryan died I knew without a doubt my grand father was the one who met Ryan at the gates of heaven...Its a strong feeling...I told my dad that and he looked at me and said he doesn't believe in that stuff...This is another reason why I don't like telling these stories to people who don't believe in anything they have such big EGO's it is sickning...LOL, True though, speaking for myself....
Now that I look back at Why I had felt like this was from when I was 6 years old my 2 yr old brother had died from Lukemia, and So many other family members and friends through my life, even friends that had bad car accidents and never have been the same since...As life goes and start a family of our own we surpress it all deep in our souls, we continue on, having our children an the LOVE we share with them gets us through life, my favorite part of my life is having my 2 little ones Ryan & Erica!!!!! Ok I seem to be all over the place here rambling on!! O' well thats ME!! Acceptance!!! I am who i am.......See I don't journal much and I started this a few days ago, and here I go again, I hope I'm not boring you, LOL!!!!
I had hugh overwhelming feelings for a couple months of not being able to breath and had to go to the doctors for it, nothing, I went to my chiropractor, he gave me a few ajustments for about a month, I felt better so I went on with regular life work and all, and teenage kids in and out of my house constantly eating all my food, at the time I was spending $250.00 a week,these days it would be $ 350 a wk, Ryan would come home with about 4 or 5 guys after highschool almost every day and would eat it all, BUT Now when I look back it brings a smile to my face. I'm glad I did...When I bump into his friends they mention how they loved coming over my house to eat..They all loved coming to my house, all the kids use to call my mother nanny, they said when they got done with my food the went into nannys for more, so she was also feeding them too, my mom loved the kids coming over, It was what her life was all about the kids she, see at the time my dad was drinking alot out in the bar rooms, but never had adrink at home, after his father drown in front of him he took off drinking, he finally quit 8 yrs ago, a year before Ryan died..
I'm jumping around again, lol...I had dreams of someones gonna die...The thing is before those bad feelings, for 3 years every morning I was into "Praying" I was in a 12 step program.. I turned my live over to God, AS MY OWN UNDERSTANDING OF HIM, my own conception of my God...So I would pray every morning, I would say the 3rd step prayer, for others, for the happiness and good health of family & friends...The weird thing is I use to say Please God don't let anything bad happen to my kids as well as family and friends kids, Then I would say unless something really bad is going to happen to them, like something they wouldn't beable to handle....Before my Son went to heaven I had hugh Visions of something big in the news papers headlines, SO much fear it was unbelievable...Down the road a little, it was hugh head lines, YES IT WAS MY SON RYAN AND HIS PICTURE!!! I'll have to find some of my journals, im not much of a journal person, when I do I go in all kinds of directions, lol.I need to write more cause it does make me feel better..I need a balanced life and never could do it... Thought I was at the time, but boy now my life has been turned upside down, it so obvious, to me anyway. I'm still learning and still trudging the road to a happy destiny!
You know the other day I walked by my Son Ryans senior pictures, as I wallked around the corner into my bedroom I said out loud to myself "THIS FUCKING SUCKS"! I heard myself and I thought about how far I've come, all these 7 years..It still a struggle waking up in the morning to sadness everyday.. It is also bothering me so bad, I NEED TO ORGINIZE MY PICTURE!! URRRRRR.... I have so many to share with everyone and its something I have to do, I can do it, JUST DO IT! RIGHT..........................................................................................................!!!!!
I went to Emily's celebration of life 2 weeks ago, it was snowing out really bad and very slippery on the way to the funeral home. Anyway nothing holds me down when it comes to being there for another mom in need and support. I know myself when I was in there shoes it was very comforting hugging another mom who has lost a child, it helps to know we aren't alone. They had 2 viewings "wake" visiting hours 2 to 4 and 6 to 8, in between all family and friends went to a restaurant down the street, when I got there the hostess lead me to the back room..It had been years since I seen these people, it was like I walked in to the room full of family members I haven't seen for 13 years, since I sold my Hair Salon...and all their little children grown into young adults, I felt like I was part of them, it was so comforting, everyone had aready ate and some had drinks. Before we had to get back to the wake everyone who had something to say about Emily and the fun times they had with her stood up to give a little speech... It was really really nice, and of course I had to stand up and tell about Emily and her mom Lisa were pregnant at the same time, when she came into my hair salon 21 years ago. We both had our baby girls 2 days apart from another in the same hospital... Emily lisa's daughter and my Erica never knew one another until they were teenagers..The story was in the last journal....Anyway we all left for the funeral home, it was a old house with small rooms, between the people I glanced at Emily in the casket she was bleached blonde thats all I saw and then the people were in the way, I couldn't see her.. to me it was a shocker cuz she had dark dark beautiful brown hair, she didn't look like Emily. Her mom Lisa hated her blonde hair, she said Emily told her, but mom I get better tips with blonde hair, LOL...
Lisa and I were talking on facebook and commented on her posts and I would send her some nice sayings for grieving moms.. I had mentioned going out to lunch anytime when she was ready. She asked me if I wanted to go on wednesday at 1:00.. I was excited and we went, it was very nice peaceful, we felt comfortable with one another..She was Amazing, she looked so at peace with everything.. She asked me when is it gonna hit her. I was silent for a minute and said everyone grieves different, but usually its the second year is usual the worst..From my experience and talking with other grieving moms on our group of woman ForMomsOnly, site...I told her all about DS and joining FMO, she wants to check it out, I told her all about the retreats we go on once a year.. And how we Journal and the the moms comment their experiences.. I said its a save place to go and speak about anything,, we all understand...And someday soon your gonna realize everyone else moves on and we are still wanting to talk and keep our child alive, everyone else that doesn't understand thinks we should be over it even our family & so call friends.. She has a few friend who have lost a child, so we may try to have lunch together..
To me my friends are my FMO friends, actually these are my new family members...Which helps tremendously in the MY real world.. LOL but True!!!! I Love You guys, especially when we all meet up once a year, and give those REAL HUGS, it is such a warm loving feeling cuz it feels like we all belong together as if ALL OUR CHILDREN are with us..The sad part of it is, speaking for myself when we go home after the retreat the depression sets in for awhile cuz its like we have another year to wait to see all our Children again, within ourselves, our childrens spirit that is back inside ourselves, as their Momma!! Now when I get home from the retreats I think of it as being able to get together with our Children once a year.. This is what I have learned to for myself, do you agree with that?!?!....
I need to go before I lose this like I have in the past...Im not gonna reread this I hope it comes out right!!!!!Sometime i repeat myself or i didn't erase it, lol
I LOVE YOU MOMS!
Kelly, Ryan's mom! <3
Replies
What a terrible thing to happen to your grandfather and how very hard it must have been on your Dad.
I definitely do believe in sixth sense -- you know \"that stuff\", call it what you will, there is some link to the spirit realm that some people have access to, maybe we all do but have it suppressed.
Just like you the best part of my life was having my children Jason and Jim. A day has not gone by that I having thanked God that they were given to me to be their Mom, I still do it, and a day does not go by that I don\'t miss Jason.
What you said about the retreat being sort of like being with all our kids is so true. It\'s so magical, I wish all our SOTH\'s could go. I\'m so looking forward to seeing you there. Maybe you could talk Lisa into coming?
You really wrote a journal there! So sorry about your grandfather and you definitely have some sort of psychic abitilty. I seem to have that through dreams and so does my sister. But it is only preminitions for people dying, never anything good. I am glad that I found this group because everything that I learned to far and all that I have felt and feel, everyone here has been there and understands me. It is sad to think that in my life I am not really oving on like everyone else that I know are. I am forever thinking of good memories of my two son\'s and seem like I have not moved on like others. I wonder about that and I know that I loved my kids so much that I feel like they are still with me in a way. I hope I do not end up crazy. I realized that every one in this group really and truely understans and cares. Some day I hope that I to can see every one once a year. Hugs to you...XOX Debbie
Life sure throws us curve balls. I think having premonitions is a bit of a curse. My mother had them. I have had a couple. And on some level, I knew that Lisa was not going to be with us for long. I hate it when I am right.
On the other hand, your premonition may have saved your brother\'s life - and that is a good thing!
I am looking forward to the retreat too. Last year was my first. I was nervous about going and am a bit hesitant with new people. Now I know you and many other moms, so I am extra excited!
I am closer to the moms on FMO in some ways than I am with my friends. We can share our innermost feelings here, be they happy, sad or anything in between. So keep writing Kelly!
Here\'s to Boston!
Love and hugs, Marlene
Your Dad had such a horrific experience...that must have been incredibly difficult for ALL of the family during that time of shock and loss...
You\'re premonitions are very believable, to me--I totally agree that certain people have true premonitions, that are given that gift.
My late husband Tim told me he could see people\'s auras around them and how different colored they were with each individual. (Mine was some kind of a greenish color mostly!) He had these very different, extremely light colored blue eyes. The Army loved his special \"night vision\" abilities. Oddly, he too had a vivid dream of a newspaper with the headline of \"FAMILY KILLED IN WRECK\"--there was a number too, but all I remember of that part is it was more than our current \"4\" family members. He seemed like he did NOT want to talk in detail about this headline business. A short time later the wreck happened that killed 3...(but part of me died, too of course when they all died)...Hmmm...I just remembered the number was \"SIX\" family members dead for that headline... and if part of me died when each of THEM died...then it WOULD be six deceased! Strange...
I\'m sure you were a big comfort to your friend, knowing EXACTLY what the experience of bereavement is all about...and being the sweet, honest, open and caring person that you are. I wish I could give you a hug in person at this year\'s retreat. I can\'t make this one, but attending one, is definitely on my bucket list! Have a good rest of Spring! Love, Donna
First I just want to say I LOVE YOU KELLY!!! And thank you for always sharing your heart, fully and openly, with us.
Such a horrible thing that happened to your grandfather....and for your poor dad to have been there, struggling to save him, well, it just breaks my heart. Of course it affected him greatly, forever. You can\'t live through something like that and not be affected.
I\'ve only ever had one premonition, but it was a BIG one and saved my life. Shortly before this premonition I was in church and had an out of body experience. I\'d gone to the alter and the pastor had prayed for me....now you have to understand I attended a very spiritual Church of God....when the pastor touched my forehead with the anointing oil I fell to the floor. Amazingly, though my body did indeed fall to the floor, \"I\" did not fall. I was simply standing one moment and the next moment I was high above my body which was lying on the floor. It was incredible. I saw and heard everything going on in the church....saw ladies all around my body praying for me. I did not \"hear\" God, nor was I given any special message or anything else. Then, just as I\'d left my body, I returned to it. I was 17. I never told a soul for many, many, many years. The first person I ever told was my husband, and he of course thinks I imagined it. Whatever. I know what I know.
Anyway, shortly after that experience I had my one and only premonition. A friend and I were talking to two boys and they asked us to go with them to a party. We said yes and started to get into their car. The moment I touched the door handle I had this overwhelming feeling I was not to go.....I told my friend I wasn\'t going. She begged me to go, I insisted I was going home, and so she said she would not go either then. About 2-3 am she called me crying. The boys had been in a fatal accident on the way home from the party. What bothers me....makes me wonder about....is the fact that I was 17, I had a premonition that saved me, and it had to do with a car accident.......WHY didn\'t Kala have a premonition....or did she, and did she ignore it? She\'s never told me.... Maybe I don\'t need to know?...
Anyway, I DO believe in premonitions...in being lead to do or not do certain things at certain times. I DO believe there is a spirit world where LIFE is lived without bodies, where we know and experience and ARE so much more than we could ever be here on earth. I don\'t understand, that\'s for sure, but I do believe!
You have a gift of loving and caring very deeply for others sweet Kelly and the fact that \"nothing holds me down when it comes to another mom in need....\" shows how very committed you are to helping. You\'re a treasure and a gift to all of us, and most especially to those you meet in person.
I only had one \"crash and burn\" after a retreat and that was the very first one....2007 in Charleston. I think it was only because I was still within the first year, we were all \"new\" moms, and it was very hard for all of us. I remember when I got home telling my husband I didn\'t think I\'d ever go to another one....then of course the next year rolled around and there I was! LOL! I haven\'t missed one yet and hope I never do!!! I LOVE being with all the moms who attend....the eye contact, the hugs, the laughter, and even the tears. It\'s a time when we connect on even deeper levels of knowing and friendship. It\'s priceless to me! Each year I learn something new....each year I grow spiritually....and each year I know that Kala was remembered and loved deeply.
I hope your friend finds her way to FMO and that it will feel like a good fit for her. Please keep us posted so we can welcome her and let her know she matters and her child matters to us.
Keep writing beautiful....rambling or not....your journals always bring a tear and a smile and so much love to my heart! I love you Kelly and I\'ll see you soon!
I have no doubt dearest Kelly that your grandfather was there to greet Ryan and that these feelings and dreams are our promptings. Sometimes to be acted upon and other times not to be understood yet felt very deeply as you do.
I cannot think of anyone I\'d rather BE with than you as a newly grieving mom. You are all heart and will be that heart with ears that she so needs as she unpacks gently layer by layer of what is inside. Continue to seek her out as you are and also understand if she needs time to cocoon because do you remember all the energy that these kinds of encounters took in those early weeks and months? You are so very good with that so just continue to follow your intuition.
I love it too when you journal and ramble away dear one because in those ramblings is the healing for you and for me.
Love you and am thinking of you as Ryan\'s angel day approaches. Glad that you will be with family and surrounded in love.
Can\'t wait to hug the stuffin\' out of you in August and looking forward to sharing that magical and healing time with my sisters of the heart.
XO Joanie
I find it comforting to know that my parents and grandparents and MIL were there to meet Jenn and take care of her...
Your dad went through a horrible time, I am sure it changed him so much.
What love you showed to Lisa, being there for her.
Hugs dear kelly and can\'t wait to see you in Boston
Marylou
Reading your journal, I felt like I was there listening to you in person, and it felt great. I sure do miss you and your wonderful loving personality! I was so sorry to read about your grandpa though.
I look forward to seeing you again in Boston! Even though it\'s sad to part after the retreat, the talks, hugs, tears and laughter are worth every moment and then some. I love you Kelly, my friend! Big Hugs, Diane
I love you Kelly! Like Diane, I feel like I was listening to you in person and I can\'t WAIT to see you again August (Boston). You are my sweetie! Love you bunches and bunches!