Rambling Thoughts
Been working my butt off this week, because I have to cover for someone on vacation. Worked 12 hours yesterday, on my feet all day. Came home, ate, showered, and went to bed.
I don't know why I do it. I love what I do, but what is my purpose in life? My grandkids came to see me at work, they came into town, for Santa pictures. I just don't seem to have the time to spend any quality time with them. There are 4 boys, so the only time I spend quality time is on their birthday. I take them out for lunch and a movie, just them.
I trying to start some projects on the house. I'm getting someone to replace my front door, a window and repair the front porch. I started pulling off wallpaper in the bathroom, because I wanted to paint it, but now I have a messed up wall, because I don't have the time to work on it, or I just keep putting it off.
I went to the casino today after working 9 hours. I spent 40 dollars, so it wasn't too bad. Sometimes, I feel I need to reward myself, after working so much. My husband hated the casino, but would go with me occasionly. He said I should just drive by, and throw a 20 on the steps and keep going. He though it was a waste of time and money. It's something I like, but I don't go crazy with spending.
I wanted to join the YMCA, but I put that off too. I have to go and sign up and get it over with. They have yoga classes I want to go to.
I need to send out Christmas cards, finish buying christmas presents, wrapping them, all the stuff that goes along with it. I used to make rum balls, and fudge. I'm not too sure, I'll get to that this year.
Sometimes, I feel like running away, but where would I go? I'm already alone, I'd be alone wherever I went.
I cry over everything. I couldn't watch some you tubes of songs that were posted, I cry enough, without seeing sad songs.
I had Let it Be, by the Beatles played at my husbands service. Now I'll always think of him, now Yesterday is playing on the TV, and again, I'm crying. He loved the Beatles. Now I have all of this memoriblia and for what? I think I have every Beatle album that was made. My husband collected everything. Now how do I get rid of it?
I feel like I need a dump truck parked outside, and just let loose and get rid of everything. I know I wouldn't do it.
Time passes, and nothing gets done. Yesterday I wrote myself a list of things I wanted to do at home. I was sweeping at 10pm. I was determined to get the list finished.
I have to force myself to go shower, to get ready for bed. I never seem to get to sleep before 11 or 12. I get up at 5am.
I need a social life, but I'm so used to working, and coming home to be with my husband. We used to go out to eat, every 2 weeks or so. A movie maybe once a month. Our social life, was with each other. I guess we were pretty boring. I'm not comfortable at social actitivies. My 40th class reunion is coming up next year, I already said I wasn't going. I went to the 20th. I just can't get excited about it.
Need to get to bed. Skipping the shower tonight. Spit bath tonight.
I don't know why I do it. I love what I do, but what is my purpose in life? My grandkids came to see me at work, they came into town, for Santa pictures. I just don't seem to have the time to spend any quality time with them. There are 4 boys, so the only time I spend quality time is on their birthday. I take them out for lunch and a movie, just them.
I trying to start some projects on the house. I'm getting someone to replace my front door, a window and repair the front porch. I started pulling off wallpaper in the bathroom, because I wanted to paint it, but now I have a messed up wall, because I don't have the time to work on it, or I just keep putting it off.
I went to the casino today after working 9 hours. I spent 40 dollars, so it wasn't too bad. Sometimes, I feel I need to reward myself, after working so much. My husband hated the casino, but would go with me occasionly. He said I should just drive by, and throw a 20 on the steps and keep going. He though it was a waste of time and money. It's something I like, but I don't go crazy with spending.
I wanted to join the YMCA, but I put that off too. I have to go and sign up and get it over with. They have yoga classes I want to go to.
I need to send out Christmas cards, finish buying christmas presents, wrapping them, all the stuff that goes along with it. I used to make rum balls, and fudge. I'm not too sure, I'll get to that this year.
Sometimes, I feel like running away, but where would I go? I'm already alone, I'd be alone wherever I went.
I cry over everything. I couldn't watch some you tubes of songs that were posted, I cry enough, without seeing sad songs.
I had Let it Be, by the Beatles played at my husbands service. Now I'll always think of him, now Yesterday is playing on the TV, and again, I'm crying. He loved the Beatles. Now I have all of this memoriblia and for what? I think I have every Beatle album that was made. My husband collected everything. Now how do I get rid of it?
I feel like I need a dump truck parked outside, and just let loose and get rid of everything. I know I wouldn't do it.
Time passes, and nothing gets done. Yesterday I wrote myself a list of things I wanted to do at home. I was sweeping at 10pm. I was determined to get the list finished.
I have to force myself to go shower, to get ready for bed. I never seem to get to sleep before 11 or 12. I get up at 5am.
I need a social life, but I'm so used to working, and coming home to be with my husband. We used to go out to eat, every 2 weeks or so. A movie maybe once a month. Our social life, was with each other. I guess we were pretty boring. I'm not comfortable at social actitivies. My 40th class reunion is coming up next year, I already said I wasn't going. I went to the 20th. I just can't get excited about it.
Need to get to bed. Skipping the shower tonight. Spit bath tonight.
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