Rambler

 
My memory lately has been one for the dogs. I mean, its pretty easy to describe the word than actually say the word now-a-day.. The medication I am taking has really started to take a toll on my memory. Its definitely one of the side effects of long term opioid use. Its so bad that I can't even remember at the doctor to tell him its going on. I would consider my vocabulary to be medium, I guess its a lot better in my head. I stop.............and then forget the entire train of thought. then I start to realize its part of this life I'm in. walking along with finally being able to put  a word to what I am going through, Fibromyalgia. Sonofabitch. I am living with this invisible monster that sits on my shoulders every day with a golf club and beats the crap out of me and nobody sees it. Would anyone understand when I try to explain? I forget my point.
I forget my keys at least once every two weeks. What I think is going to be an early morning to work suddenly involves sweat, running makeup and half an asthma attack. Not to mention a client that is always patiently waiting.
I have been trying very hard to read every night to keep my brain moving, I am working on Chelsea Handlers third book, incredibly educational, right? I need to do brain exercises every day to keep it strong......and I just forgot my train of thought.
.....Ironic.
The worst thing is, lately my pain has been at a peak. I am constantly in a state of nausea from many things, pain being one of them. Its hard, very hard to give everyone a huge smile and keep moving. I use so much energy not curling up into a ball and not moving every day. I need some kind of award. I'm fine. I'll tell you that.
Inside, Its the one thing that I try to forget more than anything in the whole world.