Ramble and relapse.

I feel like I am in a very odd place in life right now or I am just a deeply passionate person who THINKS way too much. I had a lot of free time lately, so maybe that has prompted my thoughts. I really think about my future sometimes. I am ok with where I am at, but this cannot BE IT for life. However, I know that I am in control of my life. I want to be in even more control though. I have decided that really I want to relocate myself out of Wisconsin. I have wanted to do this for many years and I always put it on hold for one reason or another. I have family here, but I know what it feels like to be around people and still feel completely alone. I think that may be worse than actually being completely alone. OH, and I had a relapse back to shopping yesterday. BLAH. I didnt spend much, but I did it. Which clearly my addiction is connected to unhappiness. I relapsed, because I have been pretty sad since about Tuesday. So SICK....I actually felt happy the entire time I was shopping. I was able to do something other than focus on any problems. I thought going out for drinks last night would help, but the people I went out with only irritated me (one being my younger sister). UGH. I suppose I need to focus on my GOALS for now. Like really. So, because I relapsed I am taking my GOAL PROGRESS back -5 %.SMDH. Thankfully tomorrow is always a new day.