rambles
Ok, so birthday dinner was a success, everyone ate too much :) lol. Had a little chaos before though. Oldest d had flat tire on way home, like only a mile from home, but iritating, cuz was brand new tire we just bought couple months ago,,anyway so had to scramble around n get car in to get new tire, again, pick up kids ,take kids, pick up kids again, run run run lol.
Youngest d had ballgames again last night, hour northwest, tuesdays were hour northeast, glad next weeks games are home games :) Girls won first game against wichita east, 11-0 and second game against clearwater got called for lightning top of 5th tied 1-1, so will finish that game before starting new game next time they meet up, so far girls are 3-0 :) good start.
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I was stressed a little leading up to h bday that tow might try to contact him, he knew I was little worried about it, he assured me several times throughout the day that she did not. Really did better with it than I thought I was going to.
H has been working more lately, which is par for the course this time of year, but it gets to me now, and feels different. Not unusual for him to come home for couple hours in evening then have to go back in for an hour or something , but during the a that is when a lot of the contact with tow took place 8-10 pm when he at work.
Some days feel so normal and like nothing has changed, and sometimes those are the days that scare me the most.
We bicker, a lot. And stupid things make me nutso lol. Like other evening we were in car on way to ballgames and idk what we had kinda been arguing about, but then I flipped on the radio, and BOB FM ( he plays anything) lol was playing Eurithmics, "would I lie to you" ,,,really? Immediately after that came "Faithfully" omg you have got to be kidding me, I turned off the radio and lit a cigarette, lol ughhhhhhhh
Just ugh in general. It's like I've hit some kind of plateau, and I can't figure out how to get moving again.
I feel walls going up.
Plus all the crazy hormone crap going on, cycle all screwy, bleeding for weeks now. Probably going to end up getting hysterectomy, dk yet, but ugh, so sex life sucks big time right now, and it just seems like a bigger deal these days. Probably reason for a lot of the bickering, ha!
Youngest d had ballgames again last night, hour northwest, tuesdays were hour northeast, glad next weeks games are home games :) Girls won first game against wichita east, 11-0 and second game against clearwater got called for lightning top of 5th tied 1-1, so will finish that game before starting new game next time they meet up, so far girls are 3-0 :) good start.
```
I was stressed a little leading up to h bday that tow might try to contact him, he knew I was little worried about it, he assured me several times throughout the day that she did not. Really did better with it than I thought I was going to.
H has been working more lately, which is par for the course this time of year, but it gets to me now, and feels different. Not unusual for him to come home for couple hours in evening then have to go back in for an hour or something , but during the a that is when a lot of the contact with tow took place 8-10 pm when he at work.
Some days feel so normal and like nothing has changed, and sometimes those are the days that scare me the most.
We bicker, a lot. And stupid things make me nutso lol. Like other evening we were in car on way to ballgames and idk what we had kinda been arguing about, but then I flipped on the radio, and BOB FM ( he plays anything) lol was playing Eurithmics, "would I lie to you" ,,,really? Immediately after that came "Faithfully" omg you have got to be kidding me, I turned off the radio and lit a cigarette, lol ughhhhhhhh
Just ugh in general. It's like I've hit some kind of plateau, and I can't figure out how to get moving again.
I feel walls going up.
Plus all the crazy hormone crap going on, cycle all screwy, bleeding for weeks now. Probably going to end up getting hysterectomy, dk yet, but ugh, so sex life sucks big time right now, and it just seems like a bigger deal these days. Probably reason for a lot of the bickering, ha!
Replies
Sorry. I had a rough few weeks and decided that we needed to get back on the therapy wagon again. Not sure if you are still in counseling but if not, maybe going beck to get through this rough patch.
Yeah, glad to see you journaling an update. Was wondering what happened to you, and how things are going. I mean I knew a bit from our group, but didn\'t know about H stuff. Yeah, I get that \"plateau\" thing, I went thru it too. I think it\'s part of the 1st year aftermath, in general, things are weird, up, then down, then numb-like, then good again. It plays on our minds a bit, just cuz now we know, and plays a little with the distrust part, and the trust factor having gone out the window for a while, ...that part is a also a tug-of-war.
But you know, you can count on me, to chat, or whatever! Keep in touch, sugar plum pudding pie!
Glad that the b\'day went okay. I can understand hitting a plateau, busy time of year and with H working more, seems like your mind has time to wander. Hoping that everything works out okay. Sorry about the health stuff, that sucks, can\'t imagine having to go through that.
Hang in there and just remember...fake it til you make it!