Rainy days bring me down

Feeling pretty low today.  It's supposed to rain all week and already I am feeling down and blue.  Missin Spanky like crazy.  Doubt he's even tried to contact me.  I leave my cell phone off pretty much all day and only check it a few times a day.  Why leave on a phone that doesn't ring anymore?  I also don't want to be tempted to try to contact him.  I deleted his number but I have it written down in my address book and kinda have it memorized even though i'm trying to forget it. I've even gone to desperate measures of contacting Doug and asking him if he would consider being my friend with benefits, my booty call.  He left me for Kellie a year ago and now they aren't together.  He really hasn't dated anyone either.  We talk about sex all the time, basically joking around.  I'm not joking now.  I know he's not who I want. Especially since he's not the greatest in bed. Spanky won the prize on that one and I crave him so badly. I want so very badly to touch him, to kiss his beautiful lips, to hold him, to talk to him. And, yes to make love to him over and over.  He is the best lover that I have ever had.  No man has ever made me experience in bed what Spanky has.  He is truly amazing! Doug would just fill in the blanks until Spanky comes back to me.  I really don't want to date anyone.  It's not in my heart to do so.  I know what i want and besides determination to get it, I hope God, the cards and my spirit guide are on my side. He's supposed to come back to me but this time forever.  I can't wait until that day.  It's supposed to come out of the blue.  I just need him back so I can begin the joirney to my happily ever after.   I need the rain to stop and the sun to come out so I can feel a little better about me.