Raining

Good morning friends. I am sitting on my back porch listening to the pouring rain. Brownie (my husband) loved sitting on the porch when it rained. We both do, did, I still do. I am thinking of him and wondering if he is enjoying the rain. I almost feel him with me. I'm not going to cry. I refuse to cry. I'm so tired of crying. I'm not crying though. I'm trying to think happy thoughts of our many conversations out here on rainy days. I loved it so when we were out here together early in the morning or in the dark of the evening when it rained.
I miss you so much Brownie. You were and still are the love of my life. The kids all say it's best you left this earth before me or you would have mourned yourself to death. Little do they know how I mourn. I do my best to hide it from them as they have their own problems to deal with. I breakdown once in a while with one of them but they really have no clue how bad it is. I'm still not crying. I can see you sitting in your chair here and enjoying this rain. It's a good hard steady rain. The kind you liked. I'm not crying. I know how upset you got if I cried. I guess because when you were alive I rarely cried. I had no reason to. I'm going to try to not cry today. Know I love you forever and always. You took my heart when you left. 
To anyone reading this going through the loss of a loved one please know I pray for you that you will find a way to get through it and find a path of happiness. That is what I hope for myself. I know Brownie would want nothing for me but happiness. I have to keep that in mind. He always said "As long as your happy, I'm happy" he was the best husband a woman could have. I was a lucky lady for 35 years. Linda