Raining.

Darn.   I was hoping for GLORIOUS SUNSHINE.   Because TODAY is/was the day I put in the sunflowers and move the lilac bush.   But it rained all night and the planting area is now MUD.   So even though gas has gotten really expensive here, I'm thinking about driving to Rapid to check out rototillers instead.  I could rent one for $35 for 4 hours, but there's a wait list.   And I don't want to wait, even if it might snow in the next few weeks...  
   
So, in the meantime, creepy neighbor update:  I had people over last night and he DIDN'T take any photos!   Not a peep, not a sign in the window, PERFECT!   And then, after the people left, he also left so I went outside and dug up my flowers patch (scraped off all the sod with a shovel).   I finished at sunset and he got home 15 minutes later and I could tell from his face that he wasn't happy about it (my house is all windows - everyone can see in and I can see everyone, lol).   But SO WHAT.  He is a bit of a control freak - critiqued the shed my son and I put up last summer, made comments about where I put it AFTER I'd asked what he thought about where I should put it (I had 2 options - back against the fence, or right next to his house - so I asked what he thought - he didn't behave like a jerk then - well, until right after I put it up in the back, and he then griped about it.  Whatever.) 
 
So this is the COOL thing about this whole situation...   In the past, this "battle" would have stressed me out.   I would have wanted to "hide", wanted to make things "right" even when I didn't do anything wrong.   But there's something about this incident that is bringing out my confidence and my strength.  It started with the anger over him TELLING me that he was going to behave irrationally over something I offered a solution on.    Now, it's a challenge to see how much I can stand my ground!   I've got the legal right, I've got the strength, and I've got the ability to see this through.   And though I'm sure I'm going to have other issues with him, I'm WINNING!  And by winning, I mean that I no longer feel like a FAILURE.   I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about - that despite the reasons the marriage ended, inside we feel like there's something wrong, something missing, that there's some kind of flaw and that we're failures.  For me, it was that I failed in my marriage (I married for life, ya know) and so I felt I'd probably fail at everything else.   But then I fixed my walls that had holes in them... I fixed the gutter that was dumping water into my basement whenever it rained and now my basement doesn't leak anymore... I fixed the outside faucet so that I could water my mud pile that used to be my lawn, lol.... and I planted new grass seeds.   EVERYONE said that it was a mistake planting them this early, but I did it anyways, and yesterday the dogs scraped off a bit of the dirt and there were HUNDREDS of new grass shoots!  I DIDN'T FAIL!   GOD, this feels SO GOOD!
 
So today, I'm looking forward to seeing my vision of FLOWERS, HUNDREDS OF FLOWERS... yellow sunflowers, autumn sunflowers, orange mexican sunflowers, purple coneflowers.   And I'm planting pumpkins - seeds from my father's gift (a mini-pumpkin) when I visited last fall, seeds for warty ones that are just for fun!   Not ready to plant edible stuff yet - I've got a bit of an issue with bugs, lol.  That'll be for next year.    
 
Well, time to get started - the sun is starting to shine.... LATER!