RANT!!

I havent been on here lately..kinda busy..lately ive been fasting more..better..(??) I dont think about  eating unless it comes to me..i wish my therapist could understand that...i dont fast for attention nor for others...cos i dont, fuck i do it cos i have this EMOTION about something...that makes me want to...change it..? forget..? or just to make myself feel better...idk..but i feel if im thinner..ill change..i think its about my parents divorce...and current family issues..i feel so lost in this, and no one knows...no one tells me the truth, they all tell me to shut up about it cos its the PAST...?? i think the past emotions are the reasons why im so fucked up...litterally..i know fasting is bad..but ..to be honest, i dont care ...at ALL..in fact i enjoy the feeling of being completely empty inside me...im in love with my ED, i think it has a hold of me..i feel love from it, idk if my mom even loves me as much..hah Well, i just had to rant for a bit...but i hope..im not the only one who feels like this..about my ED or the divorce...  (maybe all these emotions, im being AVOIDED by mom to make her hear/understand are the things that developed my ED..)