r's daughter s//if someone says please take custody i can't do it, they mean it
saw the devil wears prada and american pie at the same time with the girls. surprised how much of both movies i don't remember. they are both good even now and those movies are ten and fifteen years old. time flies. talked to r and most of her family (what is left of them. most of the older generation is actually GONE! i said to her r, you ARE the older generation now. lol. she's 36.) her extended family is back living in colorado again. amazing they choose that when most of them are born in florida - though i think almost all of them went to high school in colorado - though r considers herself from virginia because she split colorado at 16 and went to virginia next and made her own life there. i think. lol. (i don't want to ask her because i probably already knew this and i keep forgetting, i do that with a lot of people's histories nowadays (or always? lol.) though i could be worse, my friend's much older brother doesn't even realize OUR generation finished both high school AND college decades ago. and its like how can you NOT know that? seriously. its amazing. most of us are grandparents by now. wth? and her brother was like that 30 years ago as well, what is that? it sounds like 1975 syndrome, where they think its one year, 1975 or whatever, permanently. totally weird. scary too. must be very hard to get by in life if you think its forever 40 years ago. wow!
r's entire family seems to have multiple generations of girls who leave at age 16. r's mother did the same thing and look at how old she is, so did her grandmother but she was with her grandfather when she did and back then 16 was probably age of consent, like it is in england nowadays.
a's youngest brother just graduated from high school in tennessee, for some reason i always forget he exists and i never remember who his father is, he has a different last name than the rest of them. with s, SHE is in colorado but r is here. how the hell? r didn't answer me though. s is only 16, so where is she living? all r said was that she "did the same thing when she was 16 and so did mommy, and no one stopped her or got in her way and no one stopped mommy," kind of thing. if s had headed to tennessee she could go to college for free, it'd be a better choice. i hope she does that.
i always get concerned with s's life because she was born when r was 19 and r had asked me to take her when she was visiting florida in 1999 and i was horrified. that was before the kids in europe started doing that as well and before that stupid show teen mom came out. grrrr.
r wanted to see s get a proper upbringing, her words and thought it was a good idea. it would also give r time to just be young. she didn't have another kid for ten years. she said she could just see s in a private school uniform attending any kind of private school (i'm against public school). she loved the idea of her daughter living that kind of life - getting something like that. that was a couple of months after i saved that newborn in the bathroom of tj max and r's father kept insisting i should have kept the infant, like its meant to be and how do you know how adoption will go for that baby because you can't trust people at all. ANY people. he's a former hippi and believes in fate and destiny. he's right a lot too. he was like take them both, it'd be nice for them, one year apart. i was flabbergasted.
i also felt that their life, a lot of love, and a lot of care and a lot of relatives of mostly trustworthy babysitters was a better way to go for a baby's first few years at least. lots of attention over there for her. and he's saying but the baby won't be here, she'll be back in virginia with just r and r is saying, just bring me the papers for it before i lose my nerve.
so then you feel permanently guilty about it. around tons of family for her first ten or twelve years made more sense to me, in 2010 we went back and forth about private school in england where most our family were headed over there - but a lot of drama had unfolded by then. the truth is, in life there is never a right time. not really. even a was saying to me, you can do a better job than them, you know how it is here. what a mind blower. i was trying to take six months off for just myself at the time and do nothing and it becomes, here you go, please do this.
when a showed up to live by us part time several years later, r actually hung up on me when she heard about it, because a isn't blood family and s is. and i think to myself, what am i thinking. but in usa there is always trouble and drama mostly from strangers actually and in europe it used to seem calmer. s could also go to college for free in europe but would she do that now, without having gone to high school or elementary school there and not knowing everyone. if s had been in europe five years ago, she'd have other languages under her belt and tons of college prep and i have no idea what she would have by now.
amazes me every time people want to hand me their kids. happened with nora in 2003 because her mother has bipolar and couldn't handle it (i didn't really know what bipolar was back then). she ended up giving custody to nora's father a couple of years later, [which is where she should be anyway after some other things got fixed up in his life. he ended up with custody of both of his kids (two different girlfriends/mothers), bet he never expected that] and in the 80's with p, though i never understood at all why she was pushing it, when there is a waiting list of people who want to adopt infants. i was still in my teens back then and i didn't really know p. i was basically horrified at the idea. that whole thing is a tragedy. most of the time i used to think p was kidding when she was saying it because she was older than me, married and both she and her husband were employed full time, until i saw the bruises on the infant. as an adult now, i think i would just take custody. safety first, and then find something proper for the infant myself. i hope i would do that.
r's entire family seems to have multiple generations of girls who leave at age 16. r's mother did the same thing and look at how old she is, so did her grandmother but she was with her grandfather when she did and back then 16 was probably age of consent, like it is in england nowadays.
a's youngest brother just graduated from high school in tennessee, for some reason i always forget he exists and i never remember who his father is, he has a different last name than the rest of them. with s, SHE is in colorado but r is here. how the hell? r didn't answer me though. s is only 16, so where is she living? all r said was that she "did the same thing when she was 16 and so did mommy, and no one stopped her or got in her way and no one stopped mommy," kind of thing. if s had headed to tennessee she could go to college for free, it'd be a better choice. i hope she does that.
i always get concerned with s's life because she was born when r was 19 and r had asked me to take her when she was visiting florida in 1999 and i was horrified. that was before the kids in europe started doing that as well and before that stupid show teen mom came out. grrrr.
r wanted to see s get a proper upbringing, her words and thought it was a good idea. it would also give r time to just be young. she didn't have another kid for ten years. she said she could just see s in a private school uniform attending any kind of private school (i'm against public school). she loved the idea of her daughter living that kind of life - getting something like that. that was a couple of months after i saved that newborn in the bathroom of tj max and r's father kept insisting i should have kept the infant, like its meant to be and how do you know how adoption will go for that baby because you can't trust people at all. ANY people. he's a former hippi and believes in fate and destiny. he's right a lot too. he was like take them both, it'd be nice for them, one year apart. i was flabbergasted.
i also felt that their life, a lot of love, and a lot of care and a lot of relatives of mostly trustworthy babysitters was a better way to go for a baby's first few years at least. lots of attention over there for her. and he's saying but the baby won't be here, she'll be back in virginia with just r and r is saying, just bring me the papers for it before i lose my nerve.
so then you feel permanently guilty about it. around tons of family for her first ten or twelve years made more sense to me, in 2010 we went back and forth about private school in england where most our family were headed over there - but a lot of drama had unfolded by then. the truth is, in life there is never a right time. not really. even a was saying to me, you can do a better job than them, you know how it is here. what a mind blower. i was trying to take six months off for just myself at the time and do nothing and it becomes, here you go, please do this.
when a showed up to live by us part time several years later, r actually hung up on me when she heard about it, because a isn't blood family and s is. and i think to myself, what am i thinking. but in usa there is always trouble and drama mostly from strangers actually and in europe it used to seem calmer. s could also go to college for free in europe but would she do that now, without having gone to high school or elementary school there and not knowing everyone. if s had been in europe five years ago, she'd have other languages under her belt and tons of college prep and i have no idea what she would have by now.
amazes me every time people want to hand me their kids. happened with nora in 2003 because her mother has bipolar and couldn't handle it (i didn't really know what bipolar was back then). she ended up giving custody to nora's father a couple of years later, [which is where she should be anyway after some other things got fixed up in his life. he ended up with custody of both of his kids (two different girlfriends/mothers), bet he never expected that] and in the 80's with p, though i never understood at all why she was pushing it, when there is a waiting list of people who want to adopt infants. i was still in my teens back then and i didn't really know p. i was basically horrified at the idea. that whole thing is a tragedy. most of the time i used to think p was kidding when she was saying it because she was older than me, married and both she and her husband were employed full time, until i saw the bruises on the infant. as an adult now, i think i would just take custody. safety first, and then find something proper for the infant myself. i hope i would do that.
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i could actually make a chart of requests like this. it would be 1984, p. 1987, isabella\'s grandson (have no idea if he\'s even okay now),
then i started finding homes for kids from photography work, same kind of requests, just matching them up really, a baby girl and her five year old sister to f, from work who had two sons and wanted a daughter, an 8 year old who\'s parents were totally not okay near delaware bounced twice and ended up with the engineer and his wife in north jersey along with a few others (ask for one and end up with several) i\'d have to really think on it to remember that whole thing, had done a bunch like that in florida in the 80\'s as well through one of the reporters in miami and others i knew from the tiki and stuff like that. i didn\'t start that though, there was a minister in north miami who used to help single pregnant girls and let them live at the apartment complex that had a set up that reminded me of the show melrose place, except in north miami it was single pregnant girls. wonder if he is still alive or still doing that - so many people doing great things with their lives that no one knows about. there should be a class taught like that in elementary school called philanthropy and bios of people who are philanthropic and how they went about it. cameron\'s was something like that as well and his two siblings from mubu who was actually raped by the activities director. that girl from a zillion years ago, who\'s mother left her and the couple who was waiting on a baby for YEARS got her, and then meeting her later and hearing some of the story, and she is sitting there stunned saying my mother would NEVER do that. she meant her adoptive mother. she is lucky she got a good adoptive mother. i only remember that because she was soooo shocked by the other mother\'s behavior. i can almost hear her even now. lol. her adoptive parents were the type that were at every school play or event or sport or pta meeting etc. total opposite of the one leaving her kids and then showing up two years later to see if they were still around. wth?
also r should realize, i wasn\'t even for the whole thing with a - it came out of nowhere and i had no idea that was going to come up. i was already on ds and i probably journalled about it. technically a wasn\'t \"with\" us. i just knew she would end up with us because our own kids were young back then. it was supposed to only be on weekends. even now i don\'t know for certain how all of that goes up there during the week anyway.
r left colorado at age 16, to get away from her sister b, because b is a huge trouble maker. b went from being a tattle-tale as a little kid, to looking for and spreading trouble in people\'s personal lives later on. r had gone through about ten years of that with b when they were growing up as children, and finally wanted out, so she left. she didn\'t want to deal with her. it was j who called b in the carolinas to tell her r was signing over custody of her baby to someone else and it was n who advised he call b, who was in the military at the time. wth? so when she showed up, r finally told her the truth of why she left and told her to butt out and it became this big drama. b never butted out, she kept trying to make it worse. she did the same in 2006 and again in 2010. its ridiculous. why put up with her at all on any level. its like this simmering animosity between them allll the time. why bother at all. r is like she would have to drop her entire family to get away from her completely. she gets away from them by being in a different location of where she lives and where they live, but that is as far as that goes. must be a really trying and tiring way to live actually. so here we are, its all these years later. b was never any kind of great influence at all on s, and s is living on her own now and she is 16. why did b interfere. and r is saying to j, if you weren\'t so screwed up i\'d be even more furious with you than i am already for calling b at all. and he is saying, i\'m staying out of this. and his father and r are yelling at him saying, NOW you stay out of it. why couldn\'t you do that before. why in the world would you take advice from n, when he is such a total asshole? shortly after that they forced n to move. but that doesn\'t help s at all and by then b had left to return to the carolinas. she should have stayed there, but of course not, she returned to here as soon as she heard r was living here again. grrrrr. that\'s like being stalked actually.
today is 5/1/2016 and i\'m starting to realize the extent of that whole thing. hate to say this but r was totally RIGHT. she is in colorado right now - so s isn\'t there alone. the others are there anyway. jc is there and so is the \"aunt\" that made all the trouble, and jc\'s wife (they live together part time, they always did, even before actual marriage) and their kid etc.
but then you really LOOK. she looks very happy to have her mom there. 16 1/2 and on your own, though its legal age in england, its not common in usa with our slower educational system. at 16 in england you have the equivalent of our AA degree in college. and in england higher education and healthcare and veterinary care are free - ditto in canada, even for foreigners who take up residency in canada.
so i\'m looking through and at the photos. THAT is what she was trying to prevent. at best, they have aa degrees or college level tech. many of them are on disability of some sort, either from the military or worse. alllll of them party too much. even if i\'m not around much, so the strength in numbers thing doesn\'t exist with me, i do know how to organize a life, send kids to private school, and summer camp and sport, and cultural activities like music and art and travel. i know how to do the money part of it with or without it as there are always ways of doing things. a lot of what living is, is knowing how to live. i already knew this at the time this was coming up.
you don\'t realize how extreme other people\'s lives are in the opposite direction until you actually bother to look at it. i never do that. i accept people as is. i either like them or i don\'t. i don\'t do the microscope thing on people. its rude to do that. but i bothered to look. for people like that, they see know way out and their lives are so intertwined, they won\'t get out unless they physically get away. i know rich people in the same boat, but with them, if their parents are assholes, they have the money to hunt them down and that is worse, so they commit suicide a lot of the time rather than deal with that.
even when i saw r recently she was still hoping and was like you just don\'t want to do it. adn could also have done it. she\'s bored anyway. though if the child is fairly old, does that always work? with some like mike and j reynolds, i think to myself, they could BE anything. its like r was saying, they just need to know HOW to go about it. and r herself? there was no way to untangle herself from the herd? seriously. she says her sister stalks her. then you have to leave the country and hope they don\'t show up there as well. creepy. and saying hope you are okay, isn\'t getting anything done with it either. why in the world did her aunt make so much trouble. say it to jc, and he\'ll say, she has always been like that, different than his aunt c, who only became like that after turning 45 and she started doing crack. why the hell did she do that? depression from her divorce or just following along. or thinking she could do more than she could actually do. they play at things, that bunch, like you would as a kid except they are adults. they can do it, but very small numbers and who knows when it will get done. they know all about things, but will think you are nuts if you seriously work at it and get a LOT done and get a paycheck for it, then they say, how come i\'m not like that? then they laugh it off, party and life goes on. i know people both rich and \"middle\" who are like this. but there are all different levels of middle. they are also the majority. i didn\'t realize until i looked up if usa was a village of 100 people how many of each group is there. the money they live on is actually the majority. except for r\'s sister, at least they aren\'t stalkers - that is way worse.