Quitting.. again?

Well I had a good stretch there and then recently allowed myself to get carried away there. I had taken care of my bills and everything and was feeling good, and then decided I could allow myself a little taste... it hasn't gone horribly wrong but I am right back where I was before, where I can't really trust myself to make smart decisions. Maybe I will never be able to? It started with a small amount I could afford. I told myself if I lost I would be ok and I could walk away. Well I didn't lose, instead I won, and won pretty big (in my terms anyway), and then I went back 5 more times in a few weeks, and I just kept winning for some reason, All along I said don't get used to it, its all going to end, the only thing I can control is how much I lose when I do start losing. So after 6 winning trips came the first loss. It was a big one, but no issues. I was still "ahead". Well wouldn't you know it I was right back at it, the next day and the next. Well last week I said ok thats it, I'm done, I'm short on cash even though I technically had still won more than I lost... Of course now those demons are back though, and I forgot how tricky they are! Oh just $20 they tell me... Oh just a few minutes, a quick stop... Well why just $20 then? Why not a little more? After all I have a lot of personal reasons right now to gamble, to deserve a "break" from reality... work stress etc. Well now I am trying to tell myself I only lost my winnings... it may or may not be true, I won quite a lot and spent a bunch of it but the reality is whether it was technically winnings or not either way I lost money today that I can't afford to lose. I'm now broke, my credit card is maxed, and I don't know how I will cover my car payment this week or buy my wife a nice birthday present in a few weeks...
But I will figure something out. I always do. I just need to remind myself once again that gambling, even when "winning" ends up just losing in the end and wasting time and energy and hurting my mental health and self esteem.