Quiet Morning....

This Morning I got up almost 2 Hours sooner than I typically wake up Most Mornings. I'm thinking I should push Myself to do this More Often ! The Reason I say it like that is because My BF is STILL ASLEEP right now, and that translates into Me actually being able to get ONLINE without any hassle ! YAY !!!! LOL I can have some Time to Myself this Way, without Him breathing down My Neck trying to be NOSEY about what I'm doing Online. It's such a DOUBLE-STANDARD that it's really Nuts *** ! IF I'm EVER that NOSEY about what HE'S doing Online, then I don't hear the end up of it for a LONG WHILE, PLUS He's very likely to fly into a RAGE over My Nosey-ness ! YET... Whenever HE DOES IT... IT'S OKAY !  Ridiculous ? Right ? I think so.... but TRY to EXPLAIN that to HIM, and HE REFUSES TO LISTEN TO REASON ! Yes... I know... I'm using a LOT of Exclamation Points  " !!!! "... LOL... BUT don't worry, it's NOT because I'm Very Upset right now. It's honestly Not that. It's mainly because I was just trying to make a Point, that's all.... and kind of also to point out how NUTS the situation is. Right Now I'm in a pretty Good Mood. I HOPE that He STAYS ASLEEP FOR ANOTHER 2 OR 3 HOURS YET !!!! LOL Of course, I'm not blind to the FACT that this should be telling Me " Something ".... and that " Something " being that it appears that ULTIMATELY I'd be a LOT HAPPIER WITHOUT HIM !!!!! I've thought about this a LOT lately. IF He wasn't here, then I'd have NOONE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO... WHEN TO DO... AND EVEN HOW LONG I CAN DO IT... NO MATTER HOW UNFAIR ALL OF THAT IS ! Then again... IF He wasn't here, then I wouldn't have anyone here to Help Me with Things... and that would make My Life a LOT more awkward ! BUT... Of course I know, that to Trade that for a Sense of SECURITY AND SAFETY... since I'd be FREE OF HIS RAGE... probably WOULDN'T be such a Bad Trade. I WISH I didn't have Bad Knees. IF I didn't, then I'm sure I'd feel a LOT more confident about kicking Him to the Curb eventually. PLUS... there's the Other Factor involved... as NUTS as it May seem... the " LOVE FACTOR " ! Despite EVERYTHING He's put Me through, I STILL Love Him ! WHY ????? You May ask... Well, I DON'T have a Clear Answer on that. I wish I did. I want to say it's because deep down He's a " GOOD MAN ", yet WHAT " GOOD MAN " would treat the ONE He says He LOVES the Way that He's treated ME ?! His MOODS are so BACK AND FORTH all the Time, that it KEEPS ME in a state of CONSTANT CONFUSION, I think. From One Day to the NEXT, I barely know what is going to happen, for the most part. I HOPE for the BEST, but all the HOPING I've done has NEVER stopped Him from HURTING ME ! Why should it, I suppose... when Even His PROMISES haven't stopped Him !? But... I'm not trying to turn this into a " DARK " sort of Entry, because I'm really NOT in that sort of Mood right now.I'm trying to STAY POSITIVE Today, and I'm hopeful My Attitude will rub off on Him, and KEEP HIM behaving the Way He ALWAYS should around Me, Today. I know He needs a LOT of Rest right now, so He'll get over His COLD. That hasn't helped HIS, or MY, MOODS lately ! We've BOTH had COLDS that have been wearing US down, and making US BOTH grumpy.Though, it doesn't take a whole LOT of something to make HIM grumpy ! He typically uses almost ANYTHING as an EXCUSE to blow up !  Well, I better go for now.... I DON'T want My Typing to wake Him up ! I'm STILL hoping He'll STAY ASLEEP for another HOUR OR TWO ! LOL