Questions without Answers
I keep on wondering why I am here. What is my place in this vast world filled with so many achievers and inspirational souls? I have not made a substantial impression; I have failed at accomplishing the goal of making a mark. We have but only one life to live, and I am wasting it. I want so bad to be selfless. I want to give more. I want to understand more. Mean more to others. How can I do this, when I have nothing to give and what little I do have to offer is not good enough? Everything seems to be misplaced, misused, or just outright misunderstood.
I question the current life I live: alive. I question where my soul will reside after death. I am not a spiritual person but, I do think about it. Will I go to heaven? Most likely not. Will I go to hell? I hope not. Will I be reincarnated and make the same mistakes? Yeah, and I will be traumatized in that life as well. Misery will only follow those who will not change or do not know how to. Have I displayed an honorable karma in this life? I don’t know. I could always do much more and seek out to be better.
I am floundering to find the answers. Trying to take deep breaths but cannot seem to get enough air. I'm just thrashing around hoping to find the end of my despair. I want to not have to question or think any longer. I want to stop trying, stop feeling, and just stop the cycle that seems to go nowhere.
I question the current life I live: alive. I question where my soul will reside after death. I am not a spiritual person but, I do think about it. Will I go to heaven? Most likely not. Will I go to hell? I hope not. Will I be reincarnated and make the same mistakes? Yeah, and I will be traumatized in that life as well. Misery will only follow those who will not change or do not know how to. Have I displayed an honorable karma in this life? I don’t know. I could always do much more and seek out to be better.
I am floundering to find the answers. Trying to take deep breaths but cannot seem to get enough air. I'm just thrashing around hoping to find the end of my despair. I want to not have to question or think any longer. I want to stop trying, stop feeling, and just stop the cycle that seems to go nowhere.
Replies
Well, I think you were meant to be here, whether you will ever know why (in this life) or not. You are a special beautiful soul, experiencing human existence in this thing we call life. If you can just enjoy/cherish each day and be grateful for it, you will find peace. Breathe in joy, love, peace, and all that is good, and exhale all that the negativity. (That is what I try to do and believe, for what it is worth!) Much love to you!
I am trying to be greatful, each and every day for all that I do have. It is so hard when my world is so polluted. My world is stagnant and I wade in such sorrows and pain, in which I feel like I am drowning. I can only hold my breath so long. I cherish those who care. I just hope that when they reach out to me that I will take notice and accept the support.
Wow your journal entry got me thinking about my own life. I like it, its deep and I believe you are doing your best even though at times it doesnt feel like it. Have a Happy New Year and I hope you feel better soon.
You are the mother of four children. You have accomplished a lot. You are loved and needed.
Hang in there. The SAD is doing this to you.
I agree with goover!