Question about having kids....
So, I have some conflicting worries/feelings when it comes to having children. The easiest thing to get out there is that I'm afraid I'll have a hard time getting pregnant. My Grandmother tried for six years to have my Dad and it took her another six to have my Aunt. My Mom was on fertility drugs to have my sister. My lady cycle is incredibly irregular and I'm afraid that it could be signs of infertility.
I'm not ready to go through testing or anything like that because of the money, but also because I don't feel I have someone in my life that I want to share that with yet who could support me. I’m not ready to go through that just yet. Plus I am only 24, so I know I have time to wait. I also didn’t plan on starting a family until 30 because my career comes first and I want to have a house before I have a child.
Having children is important to me, but I am fully aware of the fact that I am NOT ready to open that chapter of my life. I have fears of actually not being able to conceive, but that’s where I would go adopt or have surrogate come into the picture. I know that I have many options before me if I decide to become a mom.
So earlier today I was out with my ex gf/roommate and we were in Target. Every time I walk past the little boys clothes I always go “Awwww!” because I really would like to have a son someday. She went into her proverbial anti-children talk. I made a statement about wanting to have a kid someday and she stated that I would be the one “to take care of it”. I just spoke from my heart and said “Well, if someone wants to be with me, that’s part of the package. I want them to want it with me.” She shut up pretty quick about it after I said that.
So here’s my question: When it comes to starting a family, shouldn’t both people want the children? Or when you are out in the world looking for potential partners (whether straight or gay) to share your life with, should they share the same or similar views as you when it comes to family values/raising children?
I'm not ready to go through testing or anything like that because of the money, but also because I don't feel I have someone in my life that I want to share that with yet who could support me. I’m not ready to go through that just yet. Plus I am only 24, so I know I have time to wait. I also didn’t plan on starting a family until 30 because my career comes first and I want to have a house before I have a child.
Having children is important to me, but I am fully aware of the fact that I am NOT ready to open that chapter of my life. I have fears of actually not being able to conceive, but that’s where I would go adopt or have surrogate come into the picture. I know that I have many options before me if I decide to become a mom.
So earlier today I was out with my ex gf/roommate and we were in Target. Every time I walk past the little boys clothes I always go “Awwww!” because I really would like to have a son someday. She went into her proverbial anti-children talk. I made a statement about wanting to have a kid someday and she stated that I would be the one “to take care of it”. I just spoke from my heart and said “Well, if someone wants to be with me, that’s part of the package. I want them to want it with me.” She shut up pretty quick about it after I said that.
So here’s my question: When it comes to starting a family, shouldn’t both people want the children? Or when you are out in the world looking for potential partners (whether straight or gay) to share your life with, should they share the same or similar views as you when it comes to family values/raising children?
Replies
I believe that it\'s only fair that both partners want children, otherwise, there would be much conflict. The second question is a tough one for me, personally. While it may be a bit easier for both parents to have similar views when it comes to family values and raising children, I believe that it wouldn\'t be a bad thing if each parent had different perspectives/methods. I believe that there is more than one way to raise a healthy, responsible,and respectful child...
I definitely agree that both parents need to be on board. Unless you want to be a single mother...
Lumine: I agree that different perspectives on raising could be a good thing because I\'m a fan of synergy. I\'m relieved to see that you think both should want the child. That\'s how I view this subject but wanted outside opinions on it. I always value your insight~ ;D
TurdFerguson15: Growing up I ALWAYS thought I\'d be a single mom because I didn\'t expect to ever be with anyone. If the time came (when I\'m 30-35) and I want a child but there\'s no one in my life like that, I would do it alone. I would hope though that if I did have someone they\'d want to share the idea of being a parent with me.
i agree with the above posters. both people should be onboard for it. otherwise, you end up in a situation where i was in where one person wants a child and the other doesn\'t, and it ultimately ends up destroying one of them. that\'s just me personally, and it\'s a reason i won\'t ever have kids. you\'ve got plenty of time to think and to find the person you want to have kids with. so i wouldn\'t worry too much about it now