putting pieces of the puzzle together

since he moved out 3 weeks ago i've had to rearrange all my finances (cuz we shared everything). i feel like i'm going thru a damn divorce and we were never married! did i mention i'm so darn happy i NEVER married this dude?! this break up has been a nightmare! can't imagine how a divorce would have been. is it just me, or is the whole country broke this year?? most of my friends are out of jobs.... this break up is a hard process... i have my up days and my down days. he still comes by 1-2x a week to get more of his stuff (he left behind). and it depends on his mood, how he treats me for that day. if he's in a good mood, he'll be very civil and respectful, might even say somethings to make me laugh/smile. but if he's in a foul mood, he'll say some f*cked up shit that's straight up degrading as if i'm poop on the bottom of his shoe. and that will bring back all the bad memories of all the nasty things he has said to me.
i've also done some research into personality disorders and found pretty much a dead match for Matthew on Bordeline Personality Disorder. it would explain all his crazy behaviours not covered by PTSD. ex: how he ALWAYS accuses me of not caring and that i constantly have to prove over and over that i care over the most minute thing, when i DO care. it was soooo redicules! now i know why he acted the way he did in so many ways! it also explains why he would belittle me so much. one thing's for sure, i'll never go back to him. i can't ever live my life based on someone's moods of respect (or disrespect for that matter)! don't worry i'll get over this soon enough. one thing i've noticed, my anger levels are much lower since he's moved out.... lol i really wish some of y'all lived closer to me so i could hang out with you and watch movies together and stuff....

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Lejeune is pretty close if ya want a beer
PeaceN2You
PeaceN2You

I wish we lived closer too - there are few things that help as much as just hanging out with girlfriends. I have a suggestion to move things along - pack up the rest of his shit so he has no excuse to keep coming back. You don\'t need to have your nerves or your heart tweaked based on his moods - you\'ve done that enough.

My son had a crazy girlfriend once who brought all of his stuff back like one piece at a time, and the last thing she brought back was wrapped up in brown paper and had packing tape wrapped around it in a way that looked like a crazy person had just gone off and started wrapping tape in random directions - hard to describe but when I found it on the front porch and saw her (she rang the bell and ran) I wasn\'t sure whether to put it in the bathtub and call the bomb squad LOL

She had promised to bake a cake for my book club and on the day we were meeting (at my house that month) she showed up with the cake even though they had been broken up for weeks. I thanked her politely and when the \"girls\" came I explained that \"Boiling Bunny Girl\" had baked us a cake, and no one would touch it - I thought it was a wise choice.

The name...I had a pet rabbit at the time and I really did worry about finding it on the stove...thus my \"pet name\" for this crazy chick.

My point is that if he has an excuse to keep coming over, he will. Pack his shit and end the torture. I\'m SO glad you\'re out of this - change is always hard but this will be a good change. Being alone for a while is better than being with someone who makes your life constant chaos - believe me I\'ve been there!
bluesun
bluesun

well it\'s not that he leaves things on purpose, i just keep finding more of his stuff mixed between my stuff. so i call him up and tell him to come pick it up. i sure as hell don\'t want it in my house! it\'s either he come pick it up, or i\'m throwing it away. actually, some of the things i donate to the needy / homeless.

Shane, lejeune is far as hell! lol
fighterwithin
fighterwithin

I am glad to see you journal. I hate what Matthew did to you. I hope soon you find that peace you needed all along..... you went through so much for him.... and it gives me some peace knowing you are doing better.... Hang in there.... you are way better than he ever deserved... xxoxo
mamatheresa
mamatheresa

i wish we lived closer too. mighty far for a swim from FL!