putting pieces of the puzzle together

since he moved out 3 weeks ago i've had to rearrange all my finances (cuz we shared everything). i feel like i'm going thru a damn divorce and we were never married! did i mention i'm so darn happy i NEVER married this dude?! this break up has been a nightmare! can't imagine how a divorce would have been. is it just me, or is the whole country broke this year?? most of my friends are out of jobs.... this break up is a hard process... i have my up days and my down days. he still comes by 1-2x a week to get more of his stuff (he left behind). and it depends on his mood, how he treats me for that day. if he's in a good mood, he'll be very civil and respectful, might even say somethings to make me laugh/smile. but if he's in a foul mood, he'll say some f*cked up shit that's straight up degrading as if i'm poop on the bottom of his shoe. and that will bring back all the bad memories of all the nasty things he has said to me.
i've also done some research into personality disorders and found pretty much a dead match for Matthew on Bordeline Personality Disorder. it would explain all his crazy behaviours not covered by PTSD. ex: how he ALWAYS accuses me of not caring and that i constantly have to prove over and over that i care over the most minute thing, when i DO care. it was soooo redicules! now i know why he acted the way he did in so many ways! it also explains why he would belittle me so much. one thing's for sure, i'll never go back to him. i can't ever live my life based on someone's moods of respect (or disrespect for that matter)! don't worry i'll get over this soon enough. one thing i've noticed, my anger levels are much lower since he's moved out.... lol i really wish some of y'all lived closer to me so i could hang out with you and watch movies together and stuff....