putting on my big girl panties

The time has come to give up all denial and face the reality that my husband is NEVER going to stop drinking.  I went through a short period of hope in the last 6-8 weeks or so . I was just fed up and asked him to just GO. He begged and pleaded and said he could not live without me and he would do anything and everything it took to get sober and win me and our children back.  This newest "attempt" included an AA sponsor, 3 AA meetings a week, 2 group therapy sessions a week, and 1 one on one with a therapist. Pretty much another failure and a scam. 
If and when I confronted (only when i was absolutely CERTAIN) he was drinking, the lies flowed so smoothly from his lips.  He even went so far as to be terribly hurt that i did not trust him, and would go on to say that my lack of trust was "not good for him".  The implication here is that I am insane, hallucinating, making up things that are not true, or just have lost my mind. REALLY?
The evening before Thanksgiving he was clearly drinking and we had the same interaction. When I reminded him that the deal was one more batch of lies and he was out..... i got all kinds of blathering bullshit out of his stupid brain.
Now, of course I ended up getting the same old promises from him.... who really cares ?  I am certainly not investing emotional anything in this.  But here is my rant for today. You would think that someone on the verge of having their family walk away from him WOULD BE NICE, just nice.  Try to not be so impulsively selfish.  This motherf***** actually was PISSED OF that I let my son's girlfriend do a load of laundry here so she did not have to sit in the laundry-mat.  As far as i am concerned that is just straight up MEAN. I mean :did he want her to leave a pile of quarters on the washing machine?  WTH?
Today I just tried to stay busy, and started decorating the outside of our house for Christmas. I love doing this!!!! Lo and Behold..... any joy I tried to find in this activity was effectively squelched by Prince Charming, just by the creepy, disapproving, needy, grouchy look on his face and general attitude.  I tried very hard not to let him know he was getting to me.  After a while i figured out that it was easiest to just ignore him.  He really does not care for the most part unless he is in the mood to be bossy and have people "jump to".  ( Right now he is being a good neighbor and helping the guy across the street start his car.... look out neighbor- you'll owe him now!!!!!
any way, this is a rant. just a rant.  i have stopped writing these journals so much because i am trying to stay as positive as i can. and , well, nothing about being the wife of this particular alcoholic is positive.  i have just moved along with my own life and interests. I am doing fine. He, however remains drunk, depressed, nasty, and unethical.   BLEH  poor thing, but i just can't help him, he is on his own.