Put my Trust back in God

Hey J.  It's been a while since I have written.  I have been a busy beaver and just not had my mind on journaling much.  Glad to see you are still here waiting for me.  An important thing happened last night.  I placed my trust back in God.  I had turned my back and walked away for a good while.  I got this deluded thought in my sick mind that I would one day be asked to give up Dillon, my 3 year old, to Him just like He had given up Jesus for us.  The very thought of that terrified me to death so I turned away.  I could not even think on God without my heart starting to seize up.  I now realize the truth.  Dillon is His anyways.  Just like I am.  This does not mean I am going to be perfect, but it means I am going to strive to be only without being so hard on myself as I was before lest I wanna fall again.  I may still curse, but I don't think  God is gonna condemn me to hell.  I believe we are walking in hell right here on this ole earth.  Hope all reading this have a blessed day.