PURPOSE

I've been struggling with the purpose of anything. Even something simple like in the morning, I'll think "why bother looking nice when all things perish", or yesterday at the book store, "why waste time reading a book when I won't remember it after death." - Dark thoughts about life being meaningless and struggling with the fact that God knows who will and will not accept him yet still keeping us here to suffer. I start to question my beliefs and then I am reminded of the physical, legitimate evidence for Jesus and my personal experiences with Him. It's just hard. Three days ago my father had his foot amputated from the arch to the toes (due to infection and diabetes). He will lost his tree business, he will be homeless, he will see no hope for the future and become depressed and addicted to pain edication again. I want to house him in our spare bedroom but my husband and I have three animals who shed which would only cause further infection. I know because of this, my siblings will blame me and call me selfish. It's a lot, and nothing at the same time. When I think about my dad, I want to tell him that when he gets to heaven (if he believes in the gospel), he will be raised up in his glorifed body where there will be no pain or disease. I am battling with my purpose, humaity's purpose. Why strive for anything when we are al going to die anyway? The night of his amputation I was trying to go to sleep and I felt overwhelmed by darkness. I was afraid to open my eyes because for the first time I could feel the physical presence of demons surrounding me. They continuously put thoughts in my head of my father and I could not fall asleep. I know this is from the enemy, these thoughts, but I am asking anyone who will answer: Why are we here if God knows who will accept/reject him. What is humanity's purpose, let alone my own?

Thank you for reading this far. I am sorry to be so brash. I appreciate any and all responses.

God bless.