Pure beauty.

 
Sometimes I happen to forget, though I really truly don't mean to. Just forgetting that I am even alive, that I am really here alive and breathing, and that my heart is beating...it's just so easy. And sometimes I happen to wish the opposite. But at times I will get this feeling, a feeling of being so high in my own skin, I just want to soak up everything. Everything that I love. It swells so deeply within, and I wish that I could explain it to you in words. But the way that I see the world when I'm not seeing it so black and white, my god it's beautiful. I try to always remember and find the beauty in things even when I'm feeling so low in my life, but sometimes depression seems to really blur my vision and I can't always see through it. But those days, those moments, when I can see through it...when I see it and feel it so closely that it brings goosebumps and chills to my skin. Those very few things in life that are so gorgeous, because sometimes they feel very few and far-between at times; but they are there. I start to believe that this world is nothing but bad and that I am truly in hell, then I realize that mustn't be true because of those few things that are literally so innocent and pure and just my god lovely...pure beauty in my eyes. Whether that be the way the sky looks at night, or the lovely sound of the church bells every day at noon, or the way the wind and the rain feels against my skin, or finding a patch of honeysuckle flowers, or little soft sweet hands of a child's and their tiny rosy cheeked faces to kiss, or the orange autumn leaves on the trees and silly lit jack o'lanterns on front porches, or getting the stomach butterflies and excitement, hysterical crying fits of laughter, old photographs, driving around for hours around my town while singing along to classic eighties songs, drawing freely and the feel of the smooth clean white paper beneath my fingertips, or the silent sound of the world asleep, or hushed libraries with their tall bookcases full of different life in the pages of each book, or just seeing my loved ones smile because they are all that matters to me in this life... Trust me, I could easily go on, but you may get sick of me. The fact is, those things are beauty, at least to me. The simplest of things truly make me happy and smile...I couldn't forget these things, how could I.
...just rolling around on the grass and looking up at the sky, whether it be day or night, imagining a world out there that I haven't yet seen. My god I just want to swim in the stars and live and breathe in the summertime air. And today the smell of the rain...I could eat it up I love it so.