PTSD and me

Hello, my name is John H Hinckley but many know me as Hink. I am a musician, a songwriter and I suffer from PTSD to the point of it being a disability (also depression and other anxiety disorders related to the PTSD)...I am also a United States Veteran but my PTSD is not a result of serving my country. (I just want that last point to be very clear) What caused my PTSD is not important, what is important is that try to educate people about PTSD and give some answers to those out there who are completely insensitive to the plight of others. After a series of attacks from one person online (part of s long list of those who are so insensitive they lash out instead of trying to understand) I have decided to write this blog and keep the link in my signature so I do not have to repeat myself over and over.
1. PTSD has nothing to do with intelligence, those who wish to suggest that because of my disability I am somewhat less intelligent than others are just plain wrong and indeed should educate themselves.
2. My online ways are not passive aggressive, I have recently been attacked for apologizing too much. As ridiculous as this sounds it is true that this seems to upset some people who view it as passive aggressive. It's my being sincere and feeling guilt, I apologize for the very slightest things because I care about others and do not wish to offend anyone.
3. Guilt, guilt is a killer and suffering from PTSD guilt is a big part of my disorder including feeling guilty that I'm alive.
4. For me PTSD is physiological, often bitter and offensive comments/attacks have me to the point of shaking in seconds. It's not something I can control but you can, ask yourself before engaging anyone in a negative manner "why am I saying this?" And "do I know this person well enough to judge them based on their online persona".
5. Online, when people tell me to get a life, or criticize my being online a lot it really is destructive towards me, insensitive and extremely cruel. Those of you who will be reading this will either already know or get to know that I always try to be very respectful online. I figure we are only as good as our worst moment and I do not subscribe to the notion 'it's okay as long as no one knows about it'
I'm online a lot because I can take the time to review my words and be careful not to let my initial reaction take over. Trust me when I tell you this is very difficult at times. If it wasn't for my daughter needing to get to her school (an awesome school where the parents must provide transportation) I would avoid leaving the house like I use to (and still do). I hate going out of my house, I want to be a shut in to be brutally honest and as a result I am a prisoner in my own mind. My favorite online sites are my refuge, besides my family and a few friends it's all I have.
6. Pain, I think that really speaks for itself but living with PTSD is painful and words can hurt, words intended to hurt for no other reason than spite hurt even worse. If you have erroneously attacked me or intentionally tried to hurt me ask yourself "is this who I am?" If you gain pleasure from other's pain I would suggest that you have a serious problem.
7. Judgment, it's not fair or proper to sit back and judge others when you do not know their circumstances. One should try never to judge anyone because you do not know all the facts, I get judged and misrepresented so often as a result if it wasn't for my inner strength such judgments could be devastating. They still hurt and do not help me with coping with the exception of gaining strength from holding my head high under such things.
8. PTSD is not a cop out or a lack of character, it's very real and very disabling for the person that suffers from PTSD and their friends and family.
9. The bottom line (for now) is I'm sincere and honest, I wear my emotions on my sleeve far too often to being anything but. If you have a problem with me let's either discuss it maturely or please just leave me be. I try very hard everyday to make my life better for the sake of my family, my friends and myself. I really can do without insensitive people attempting to bring me down only to build themselves up (which typically is a complete fail) and when people do it's hate that is fueling it.
 
Finally I would like to thank my family and all my friends around the world who have shown me such great support and friendship...without you I could not survive.