Psychiatrist

     So I told my psychologist all of my thoughts and feelings in a 3 1/2 page letter that I wrote to her last week.  We talked and then she told me that she wanted me to see a psychiatrist, so I did and she diagnosed me with PTSD and depression.  I kind of already knew that I had both, but now it seems more real than it ever was before.  I'm now taking an anti-depressant (Zoloft) and an anti-psychotic (Risperidone?).  I just started taking it like 3 days ago, so there hasn't really been any change yet.  
     I had another session with my psychologist today and she asked if my mom could come to this one.  I brought my mom along and she started talking to us both about how serious my depression is...  Apparently it's bad enough to where both her and my psychiatrist need to have a plan in case I don't get better in the next three months with this medication.  They've planned for me to start going into an intensive treatment program at a special institution so that if I do something I will already have connected with the people there.  I didn't really know my depression was this bad.  Also, because my depression is as bad as it is I've become addicted to the endorphins in my brain.  Meaning that I'm addicted to my own despair.  It's going to be really hard for me to want to get help.  But I've got to get better for my family... I've got to continue being the best big sister that I can be, right?  I just don't know how I'm going to get through this.