ps

that last post i wrote was total bullshit.  in theory i guess it could be ok but now, a couple of hours later i am in a rage at my mom, stuffing my face... i have no control over this horrible situation i am in... arrrrhhhgg.  god, i am soo fucking stupid.  my mother is driving me crazy already and so are my other family members, i financailly fucked...  my brother and sister have just dumped this whole thing on me.

sorry for the language.  i think the only thing i can try for is to get more sleep but it's not looking good there either.  i don't think it's going to work out to live with my mom much longer.  i have zero private time now, she can't leave the house by herself and i have nowhere else to go.  i can't keep living like this.  i told her i wanted to go to bed eary tonight and she is in there moping and sitting at the table where she's been for hours..sometimes i feel like my mother is the most passive selfish person in the world. she's been like this her whole life, not just since she had the stroke. 

i can't sleep while she is up and moving around the house.  i need to check on my cats while she is out of the main part of the house. 

i am going to have to tell her that i need to go to bed by 9 pm so that i can get to bed by 10pm  i worked really hard all day, made her dinner, got her her pills, got her papers, served her dinner, went shopping at her request after work for her fucking graham crackers, and all i am asking is that she let me get to sleep and she won't do it

this is torture. 

fuck fuck fuck...