Progress in Therapy

Today was a good day for therapy and me. My therapist actually kinda bugged me, but that was good because I suffer from black and white thinking, and I was able to think of her as both good and bad at the same time. I was annoyed, but I didn't want to storm out of the office or anything. I also realized that I hallucinate when I think about hallucinating, so if I don't think about hallucinating, I most likely won't. The past couple weeks I haven't been hallucinating... not thinking about it either. I think it's the Risperdal helping too. The dreams from the Risperdal have calmed down, been calm for a while now actually. It's not helping me sleep anymore, but I can live with that.
I haven't been sleeping well, actually, lately. I wake up a lot during the night and I wake up early in the morning and can't fall back to sleep for a while. Or if I do fall back asleep, it takes me forever and I feel like crap when I do wake up. Tomorrow I'm going to try *again* to get my fingerprints done for volunteering... it's just that it's so far away and it's hard for me to get there by bus so it takes a lot of energy for me. I have to be feeling good. Today I woke up and felt like pure and utter crap. I was dizzy, nauseous, and thought I was going to pass out on the bus. I had the makings of a migraine for most of the first part of the day. I wanted to call my therapist and cancel, but I knew that if I wanted to get anything done today I had to get out of bed and go.
I have the chance to change the time I see my therapist so I don't have to wake up so early, but I don't want to because I need to get up early in the morning at least once a week so I can get used to sleeping on a schedule. It's just hard on days like today when I don't want to do it, but I have to because it's good for me. When I start volunteering, it's probably going to be in the morning too, so it's for the best that I keep trying to go to sleep early and waking up in the morning rather than how I was in January and sleeping until 2pm. I liked that, don't get me wrong, but at the same time I knew it wasn't healthy. I would stay up until sometimes 4am and then sleep all day. When I went manic, I didn't sleep until after 8am and slept until almost dark (6pm). My whole body was off. I am trying to get it back on track, so that's why I keep my therapy appointment at 11am which means I have to wake up at 8:30.
I did wake up today at 8:30, but I did something I used to do when I worked- I got up, used the bathroom and lay back down for a while. I was going to take a quick shower in the morning, but I didn't this morning because I was just too tired. I didn't fall back asleep, but it just felt nice to be able to lay there for a bit and rest. I came home and cleaned the shower (and the easiest way to do that is to take a shower while you are doing it) and the bathroom. We have apartment inspections possibly coming next Thursday, so the apartment has to be clean by then. It's not like the apartment is a festering hole, but at the same time I don't want the people coming and having it look like crap, especially since they are telling us a week before that they are coming. So Geo and I are going to clean for an hour a day until the apartment looks good. So far the living room is pretty good, and so is the bathroom. The dining room and kitchen we will work on tomorrow, and then we just have the office and the bedroom. The rooms just need some organization and laundry to be done and hung up. The biggest part is the pile of bills and mail that I have to go through that I was doing today and throwing out what I could and then putting in a pile to shred the rest.
I think I'm kinda mood swinging. I feel higher energy, especially at night right now (it's almost 10pm) when I wake up again, and in the morning I feel like crap. I think tomorrow I'm going to focus on trying to get my fingerprints done because they are open until 6pm, so I can leave as late as 2pm. I know I'm not going to sleep until that late, so I think that should be my goal. By then I should be feeling better and have more energy. I'm doing part of my C25k tomorrow, but it's a "resting" day where all I have to do is walk for a half hour, so I can do that while I'm coming home from the bus. I'm going to mark my mood as okay since I don't know how I'm feeling- if I'm actually good or if I'm beginning a mood swing.
Stress/Food- Today the main stresses were feeling sick and my therapist being annoying. I should have told her that she was being annoying, but it's the first time she's done anything like this, so I'm giving her a bit of leeway. Food- I had a chicken thigh for breakfast, rice and beans for lunch and some pizza for dinner. I was in my calorie range even with the pizza amazingly.. the rice and beans were pretty low in calories, and I wasn't hungry this morning. I didn't have the protein powder today since I didn't do my workout today because I was feeling sick.