progress...I guess

 It's been just s little over 4 months, I still have ups and downs. I think it's just a part of this ugly process. Life seems so unfair to me now. My husband was a great husband and the best dad in the world. My son is only 8 months, I often feel sad for him because he will never get to know his dad, but I will be sure to keep his memory alive. I think im making progress, at least I hope I am, I just want to zoom though this next year, I guess because I feel like the pain won't be as intense at that point. Well I guess this is my four month progress report... so far I think im doing ok... fair... I'm not depressed but I'm not happy. I'm sometimes sad but I'm mostly just going through each day just trying not to think to much about the negative, I often think of things my husband would say, he was such a funny guy, he always made me laugh, I sometimes used to get upset with him when he joked to much, but I'm happy that he never changed... I will always remember that laugh, it was the weirdest funniest thing. I miss him so much, I will never forget the night with us lying in bed just reminiscing and laughing so so hard that we would wake our daughter that was sleeping in the next room.... ahhh Im so thankful I have beautiful memories. I guess I willl get the day going, it's snowing outside... good day to cuddle up with my kids.