Processing Death
Nancy died.She was a mentor, an inspiration, someone who meant a lot to me. She was only 43.My husband's age. I realized that not only am I so sad to lose her and so sad for her husband and her little girl... I am realizing that I could have died.Twice. At only 37, I have survived two PEs. I almost died with the first one.Did I amost die with the second one? I don't even know? And what does "almost die" even mean? And at the coumadin clinic when I told the new nurse today that I was a "lifer" because I have had tow PEs she seemed so shocked.That was this morning. I don't like it when people look at me like that.But then again, I like it that they are at least taking it seriously. I don't like it when people ignore the reality of it either.(Like my mother who lives 20 miles away and never even visited me with the 2nd PE). I think I needed more time off work to process and heal. I am so tired, physically and emotionally. Can I go to work and make it through a 10-hour day tomorrow?
Replies
At only 37, I have survived two PEs.
I almost died with the first one.
Did I amost die with the second one? I don\'t even know?
And what does \"almost die\" even mean?
And at the coumadin clinic when I told the new nurse today that I was a \"lifer\" because I have had tow PEs she seemed so shocked.
You would think I would have the hang of this forum after almost two years...
What I was going to say was...
to almost die is NOT TO DIE!!!
Obviously you are a survivor, yes I use that term a lot, but you have to be reminded that YOU are one of this group of SURVIVORS.
Don\'t look at it from the \"I almost died\", look at it from the perspective of
\"I survived\" you\"ll find a difference, I know I did and my outlook changed immediately.
...and don\'t be suprised when people give you that look of \"what are you talking about?\" How much did you know about DVT/PE before you had your first PE?
More people don\'t know anything about DVT/PE then there are that do know what it is, that\'s our job now, educate folks about DVT/PE maybe if more people knew about it, less people would suffer like we did.
All it takes is us, telling folks what happen to us, who knows we MAY be able to save a life... I think it\'s worth it.
People in medical positions, even just cleaning the room, need to keep their looks to themselves. Maybe she was tired and was trying to show that she cared but ended up giving you the \'surprised\' look. Any time anyone in a medical scenario has responded with anything other than \'honey this is all just par for the course\" freaks me out to no end.
I am so sorry for your loss! It would be good to discuss this with c. I don\'t want you to funnel anxiety, so I\'m tempted to tell you to distract yourself, but at the same time I know you need to process this grief both for Nancy, who sounds so wonderful, and also just the unfairness of it, how unsettling it is.
x\'s and o\'s to you and your pooch and ya man~~~