Processing Death

Nancy died.She was a mentor, an inspiration, someone who meant a lot to me. She was only 43.My husband's age. I realized that not only am I so sad to lose her and so sad for her husband and her little girl... I am realizing that I could have died.Twice. At only 37, I have survived two PEs. I almost died with the first one.Did I amost die with the second one?  I don't even know? And what does "almost die" even mean? And at the coumadin clinic when I told the new nurse today that I was a "lifer" because I have had tow PEs she seemed so shocked.That was this morning.  I don't like it when people look at me like that.But then again, I like it that they are at least taking it seriously.  I don't like it when people ignore the reality of it either.(Like my mother who lives 20 miles away and never even visited me with the 2nd PE). I think I needed more time off work to process and heal. I am so tired, physically and emotionally. Can I go to work and make it through a 10-hour day tomorrow?