processing anger
next week i will get into the 3rd part of my "looking back". if you are wondering why i am going thru pieces of this history... it's because it caused a lot of anger. not scared, but anger and frustration. all that we went thru built up anger in side me. this December marks a closing to a chapter in my life and come January, a brand new one. so in order to close it, i have to shed the heavy weight and bitterness and leave it behind me. in order to do that, i have to go over pieces of it, process it, and leave behind what parts hurt. everything that you go thru in life will make you who you are in the future. we are supposed to learn what we can, and put the rest behind us. not to forget it, but to let it go. and if you feel like you can't forgive someone, then give it to God. let him take the burden. after all, we are only human. in the past...when we came back from Indonesia we had nothing. i had to work at 15 to make ends meet and then had 2 jobs starting 16 while in high school. and then going into the Corps and all the things that happened to me there. i had to take care of mom to save her leg (2002). and then my back injury. my military career ruined. then got on disability and couldn't work anymore. and before the SSDI was aproved, i barely made ends meet. the reason why this Jan marks the begining to a whole new chapter... NOW... we own a house. not a fancy one... but it's a house... and it's in a very beautiful part of the world. and the love of my life is moving in with me. i have wonderful friends that care... a loving man... and a loving mom. we are so blessed... despite all that we been thru, God has blessed me more than i could have immagined. so as the year closes... think of your past... grab your blessings and count them... process the pain and let it go... take what lessons you have learned... and continue to build your self... love and let love. and most of all, thank God for what He has provided. i hope everyone can close a chapter in thier life to begin a new one. best of luck and God bless!
Replies
Happy Holidays bluesun. I hope all your dreams come true. Keep the faith and don\'t give in to temptation. I hope 2009 is a joyous new year for you and your family.
girl we are on the same page! I\'m trying to let things go move forward and don\'t look back! just try to be happy and go with the flow. I was thinking selfishly and asking why do I always have to make everyone happy and be last...but that\'s what being a wife, mother and auntie is about. as long as I can get to Hawaii at least 1-2 times a year I\'ll be alright LOL.
take care you rock my friend I\'m so glad to have met you!!! at least fibro is good for something lol hugzzzz happy for Matt and you and your family!! : )
My Dearest adopted daughter,
I am so proud of you and all your accomplishments! You have had many trials in your short life...more than most people have in a lifetime, yet you\'ve perservered and conquered. You rock! I am so proud of you for all the victories you have had. All of these life experiences have made you very strong. Most gals your age know very little yet about life and love. They are lucky if they can velcro their shoes or scramble an egg.
Hearing that Matt isn\'t moving back to Texas but is moving in with you guys instead makes me want to cry tears of joy for you. You two have worked through a lot of your issues this year and have come out shining , and I wish you many years together of happiness, joy, and peace. I\'m so glad I had the chance too meet Matt and check him out to make sure he met all of my expections for you, and he definately passed my inspection! I had no trouble at all seeing why you both love each other so much. You even make a cute couple. Let me know ahead of time if there is a wedding in the plans so I can plan to be there for that special day.
I\'m also so proud of the way you respect and help your mom who is my best friend on earth. Carol is a very fortunte woman to have you. You have a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders yet you never crack.
This business with your former landlady will soon work out and be over, and I continually pray for a fair trial, and that you will get back all of the money that you deserve. God is testing you and your Mom to see how well you can leave this problem at His feet and not worry so that He can do His work. So don\'t take the the problem back and get back into worry, and watch what He can do. You\'ll be amazed at the results. I spoke of this with your Mom and I hope she has shared some of the verses with you about how Christians should handle our enemies.
This is a great idea to reflect back on this last year, and then to get ready for the new year coming in. You have inspired me to do the same! One of the things I love about you is that you are such an encourager, and you inspire me to try positive things.
Alisha, I just want to express in some small way how much you mean to me and how I love you and your family. I think about all of you everyday and wish we were closer, but I know we\'ll see each other again. May all of you feel free to come see me here in Texas anytime. My door is always open, and the lights are on.
Big bear hugs and lots of sloppy kisses,
Elaine
p.s. Thank you for the Christmas presents! Charlie wouldn\'t let me sent anything or I would have sent the moon if I could.
First, amends that I have your name wrong. I misread it somewhere. Second, I will begin the new year in confidence and reflection. I have been shown that all the pain of my life has been front-loaded to this point, that is, my 60th Birthday. From here on out, nothing will be nearly as tough as what has already happened. I have paid forward a lot of good stuff, and it is up ahead waiting for me to pick it up. Some of what I have up ahead is the deepening of friendships newly made this year. It is no accident that we were set together on this cyber road of happy destiny. The emotional charge of all the old memories is pretty much drained away. I can look at them without having the pain all over again. All of it had to happen for me to be sitting here now chatting about the end of one year, and the beginning of another, the first year of my lucky seventh decade. I am really stoked about having so many friends who are sharing a similar outlook. And I thank you from the baseplate of my heart for your friendship. Bless your new home, bless you, and bless the man of your heart. May you share a joyous and worth life together for many long years to come!!
Love your attitude girlfriend.
Christmas for me is with my 3 beautiful boys (yes,they are grown up, and yes they cause me headaches, but I still love them)
I will be looking forward, to a more settled, peaceful year, hopefully with a new job that fits me and my needs, and maybe even a payout for my injury that will put workcover behind me for good.
Wishing you and yours a wonderful, happy, healthy 2009 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
SUN,it is wonderful the way of saying,throw out the old,move on with the new.This has been a weird year as well,especailly lately,for me as well.Ive seen so much the last few months,last few weeks,and last few days as well.We learn by living,experiences and real in your face life,sometimes wondering how the hell we still are standing on two feet.
Lets face it,everything,everone,everywhere changes are being made,happening,Nothing ever stays the same,never will.We must keep moving forward,holding on to what we believe,what we love,need.Staying in the here/now makes us stagnant,stiff.Ive been run over,stepped on crapped on lied too and cheated,so whats new>? I must and will move on,keep moving,changing ME.I dont expect those who do others wrong will ever change,they will be the stagnants,not me,I embrace new things,new ideas and new hope for the new year.Those who like to stay as a stick in the mud will eventually break/sink IM NOT I say IM WITH YOU,embracing a whole new adventure,yesterdays done for,if i got bamboozled,its finished,i can be pissed,yet i\'ll get over it,those who do other\'s wrong shall always stay the way they are,where they are,as for ME im moving on,one dam way or another>>>Peace
I have things in my past that are best not to be dwelled upon. Shit happens and life goes on.... I try to keep up with that and it\'s the best I can do! Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas and the Happiest New Year!!
xox
I read your journal the day you posted it. Right after I found another post I put on my own. Together... you force me to tell my past.... because I see how strong you are... and I pull from it. It gives me courage to say the words I cant always say. So first off, thank you. Thank you for being a true friend this last year. I appreciate every word you have ever written. I am ending 2008....letting go of my abusive sister and moving on from my family. It is time they grew up.. without me holding their hands. 2009 is about my life.. my kids, my hubby and the life we want to have. Thank you... HUGS,
Thank you for that.