Prisoner of my Mind

I'm up at 11:53 wondering what I did wrong in my past life to be tormented mentally on this neurotic roller coaster we call bipolar disorder I don't know if it's a misfire of synapses or a chemical production imbalance problem in the brain..., but I'm tired of being tired. 

it's hard to describe the exciting feeling of being on top of the world to feeling completely beneath everyone in it , emotionally abused by your own self with no understanding of when it will one day stop is enough to pull the trigger...sometimes but alas life is beautiful the Emerson of complete bliss when I'm manic is almost like a drug but the comedown is worst then my everyday torment because I know that the joy is fleeting ... I'm sure life is stable to the ones who live in a separate reality then the one I was blessed with or dealt with? I'm not sure anymore but then again when can I trust my emotions when I'm a prisoner of my own mind is the brain a gift of intelligence or a parasite invading my body and killing me softly   .