Pride

When I was in high school, one of my greatest joys was playing football.  On our helmets, just below the falcon head logo was the word "PRIDE".  That single word used to be a driving force for me in my early adult years.  Ih fact, I used to give my poor mother grief when she gave me a birthday, christmas, valentine, etc. care and the word PRIDE was not somewhere in the printed poem. Well, I guess also in my early religious ed classes, I must have slept through the class where the seven deadly sins were discussed.  Thus, imagine my shock a few years ago, when renewing/expanding my religious faith that I found PRIDE to be a sin!  Ouch!  After all of these years of "having pride", I now find out that I was living sinfully that while time? Since then, I have really struggled between trying to lead a life that Jesus wants for us...one of service...and not one that is prideful.  The service part isn't hard for me, for I do impensly enjoy helping people.  But I also find at times that I also want to lead efforts whether they be at work, at home, as a volunteer, etc. My rececnt struggles relates to my position as a volunteer coach I have performed over the past six years.  Year seven is starting, andsome changes are being made as the person who has overseen the program for over 30 years is retiring.  Thus, I have had specific plans/desires to grow our program...and am finding that I don't the direction the organization.  This has lead to a lot of frustration...and I think my pride is a big factor behind my struggles. I keep asking myself, should I stay in the current position and be frustrated over how things are going or should I just step down...for we are really experience a "too many cooks in the kitchen" situation?  From a service standpoint, I tell myself that I should stay...afterall what is important are the players...not my role as the coach.  On the other had, the sport is "dying" due to lack of new players joining the sport.  Thus, my desire to be in a leadership is to try and revive the sport by building up new interest and get more people involved.  However, I don't see that happening with the way things are heading. Once of my desires is to be able to be in a position to develop a close friendship with my players.  I don't want to just be there for them during a game situation...I want to be there for them after the games as friends...going to dinner...going to a ball game...etc.  However, the way things are going, I'll not be in a position to develop these friendships with teh players...which I think is one of the many reasons that may decide to keep playing the sport. Is having such desires selfish?  Is this my pride at work again?  Are my motives selfish beyond just being a coach? For the most part, I am a very lonely person with very few friends.  A few years ago, I was able to develop very close friendships with some of my players.  Outside of our normal pratice schedules, I would take them to other practices.  We would have team dinners.  We went to ball games togerther.  Our families got to know each other.  Our team even had a "theme song" and for one of the national tournaments, I even created a CD of inspirational songs and gave it to each player.  One player and I even began praying together...even though we were of different faiths. Most of these players have moved on to other parts of the country now...to futher their education, to get married, to start families, etc.  However, these are still the only real close friends I have.  Although the miles seperate up from seeing each others and our families, we still keep in touch via phone calls, emails, etc. I guess as a "new generation" of players were starting, I had hopes of being in a position to develop thesame types of friendships.  However, that doesn't appear that that will happen now.  So, should I walk away from a sport I love...which provides so many opportunities to service others...with so many great memories?  Or should I swallow my pride and stay on...being disastisifed because I want to do so much more...but not having the opportunity to do so?  I want so much to lead and help and service others that sometimes I feel I could explode...and the frustartion is almost unbearable...or is that the pride talking again. Or, to complicate matters more...is this God's way of telling me that my "job" as a coach is done.  Is this a "road block" he is placing in my path so as to "steer" me to a new direction...a new direction I have no idea about?  Or is this a test?  I read somewhere the other night that we are given challenges to see how badly we want something.  Is God testing me to see how badly I want to continue to coach...how badly I want this sport to grow...how badly I want to lead that effort...how badly I want to serve these players?  Thus, putting my desires and pride aside, what is God's will for me? Then I read the prayer below...and I feel so guilty because of my pride...for I don't think I am strong enough to be so humble after six years of hoping to be in a position to lead this program.  I've tried really hard to keep this prayer in my prayer in my heart...but I think I am losing the battle quickly as my pride wells to the top...  LITANY OF HUMILITYO Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…