Pretty terrified
Hey Everyone,
So I feel maybe writing a Journal might help me for what is happening today and at the moment i'm trying anything that will help. I really wanted to have my first proper journal to be an update of whats happened since i was last on DS but I still dont feel up to really writing and this really is an attempt to just try and keep me calm and I guess just to have a release.
Well today I'm having my first session on Psychotherapy and the main focus of this is to talk about my past and what happened to me, however i'm really scared as to how this is going to affect me as last night not only did I have trouble sleeping but I woke up shaking and dripping of sweat and at one point I also woke up crying.
I'm also extremely emotional today and I think apart from being scared it also mainly to do with the fact that I've got no-one to come and support me or even just be there when I get out. This is due to my BPD and the fact that my close friend Liann (who I have spoken about in previous journals) is not talking to me because she doesn't understand how BPD affects me and my life. She also believe people should not try to blame things in their life or the way a person acts on their mental illness. That really hurts me as only about a month ago I was supporting her as she wanted to get help but was scared and worried so i went with her to her doctors and also went with her to her first counselling session and now she's nowhere to be seen :'( :'(.
Not only have I got the appointment worrying me but all morning I've been ring up alot of professionals to see what help I can get with my housing due to the fact that my mum is having to kick me out but I'm really having no luck in that department at the moment and from the response I've been given there doesn't seem to be much anyone can do for me so I'm facing becoming homeless so that isn't helping.
Well I mentally can't write anymore and I think I've got out whats worrying/scarring me so I'll leave it at that and hopefully I'll be able to update you all properly given time.
Take Care All.
xx
So I feel maybe writing a Journal might help me for what is happening today and at the moment i'm trying anything that will help. I really wanted to have my first proper journal to be an update of whats happened since i was last on DS but I still dont feel up to really writing and this really is an attempt to just try and keep me calm and I guess just to have a release.
Well today I'm having my first session on Psychotherapy and the main focus of this is to talk about my past and what happened to me, however i'm really scared as to how this is going to affect me as last night not only did I have trouble sleeping but I woke up shaking and dripping of sweat and at one point I also woke up crying.
I'm also extremely emotional today and I think apart from being scared it also mainly to do with the fact that I've got no-one to come and support me or even just be there when I get out. This is due to my BPD and the fact that my close friend Liann (who I have spoken about in previous journals) is not talking to me because she doesn't understand how BPD affects me and my life. She also believe people should not try to blame things in their life or the way a person acts on their mental illness. That really hurts me as only about a month ago I was supporting her as she wanted to get help but was scared and worried so i went with her to her doctors and also went with her to her first counselling session and now she's nowhere to be seen :'( :'(.
Not only have I got the appointment worrying me but all morning I've been ring up alot of professionals to see what help I can get with my housing due to the fact that my mum is having to kick me out but I'm really having no luck in that department at the moment and from the response I've been given there doesn't seem to be much anyone can do for me so I'm facing becoming homeless so that isn't helping.
Well I mentally can't write anymore and I think I've got out whats worrying/scarring me so I'll leave it at that and hopefully I'll be able to update you all properly given time.
Take Care All.
xx
Replies
I\'ll be honest and truthful to you. Dealing with my past, at times was sheer hell, but i keep pushing through, refusing to give in or give up. I also met many wonderful people in the process. Looking back I truly wished I would have pushed myself decades ago, because now I have some peace in my life in regards to my past. It was the best thing I ever done for myself. Yes i still have alot of work to do, but things are alot easier. You have every right to be scared, it will be rough, yet I sense your incredible strong and I faith you can do this and WILL achieve peace and serenity in your life. If you need to talk I\'ll be here for you. For your housing situation I truly don\'t know, perhaps you could post it to get some fresh ideas from others. Take good care of yourself, you truly deserve that. Blaine
Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it :) :) I hope you are doing well with your dealings with the past, I never managed it but I will update about that once i get a journal entry up, hoping soon :) :) we\'ll see xx