pretending
I have written in a few days just had a lot of mixed emotions and never really know where to start. So sorry if this makes no sense at all.I went to work on Friday and lasted the whole shift i was really proud of myself. Had a day saturday and sundqy was worse. My fiance told me he was leaving if i didnt get help and that he couldnt be around me bc im so depressed all the time and i am neglecting my son and if i dont stop i will prob lose him 2. I know this is mostly true ive told myself these things in my head to get through this but it just wont work. I actually slept on sunday night but sine then i havent been sleeping again. I have been feeling better the past few days but im not sure if it is real or im pretending to be 4 the sake of everyone around me. i stay up all night and sleep until my son gets home from school im just so tired all the time. I think i stay up all night so i can be alone and be sad if i want to be. I know if i start sleeping better i will feel better it is just so hard to sleep at night
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i feel what your going through, i did the same thing for a while after we lost our baby in July and it was hard to keep a happy face, my husband knew that while he was at work i was going through alot pain and when he got home i put my game face well he saw right through me and he also wanted to leave he said he everytime he looked at me he saw the sadness that i had for the lost of our baby, sometimes men see us this way and it bothers them to know that there is nothing they can do at that moment to take us out of that pain and fix the hurt that were feeling, he did\'nt leave me thank God cause i needed him just as much as he needed me i knew he was dealing with our lost in his own way and we helped each other with the grieving process i know it is not easy how your feeling and that right now he is frustrated about it but you both have to work on it together and not you doing it on your own it hurts more when you go through it alone. find something that comforts you take walks with your hubby and do things that are relaxing and talk to him and let him know what you would like for both of you. it worked for me and my hubby and we also have a 5 min rule if he is upset or im upset we give each other 5 min to calm down and then we come and talk about what is bothering us, i will keep you in my prayers sorry for the long comment just want you to know i know how you feel. i am here if you ever want to chat.
I really think you need to see a professional. I was in therapy before my miscarriage, and having her help me to process has been good for me. I\'m currently putting together an info packet, and one thing I keep running across in my research is that women should see a grief counselor, at least for a while. Your fiance loves you and is obviously extremely worried about you. Please seek help.