pretending

I have written in a few days just had a lot of mixed emotions and never really know where to start. So  sorry if this makes no sense at all.I went to work on Friday and lasted the whole shift i was really proud of myself. Had a day saturday and sundqy was worse. My fiance told me he was leaving if i didnt get help and that he couldnt be around me bc im so depressed all the time and i am neglecting my son and if i dont stop i will prob lose him 2. I know this is mostly true ive told myself these things in my head to get through this but it just wont work. I actually slept on sunday night but sine then i havent been sleeping again. I have been feeling better the past few days but im not sure if it is real or im pretending to be 4 the sake of everyone around me. i stay up all night and sleep until my son gets home from school im just so tired all the time. I think i stay up all night so i can be alone and be sad if i want to be. I know if i start sleeping better i will feel better it is just so hard to sleep at night