Pressure.
I had a panic attack today. Afraid i will always be alone like this. It wont be till a couple more weeks till i get my new psyciatrist. Before then, everyone in my life thinks i sit on my ass doing nothing all day. But the truth is... I'm scared. So scared to look for a job, let alone step foot outside my house. I try to tell them all i CAN'T work till i get help! I'm apparently freeloading off my boyfriend, when i tell everyone to just be PATIENT , i need to see a doctor so i don't end up losing my next job again. Everyone has rushed me to get my life together cause i understand that they care, but they don't understand my mental health come first.. why can't anybody in my life get that? I can't work, let alone live in a condition like this! I feel like i'm at a dead end, or a clock is just clicking down and if i don't get better anytime soon my life will just go down in a downwards spiral. I NEED someone in my life, not just the internet to support me. I need more time, i just want to be happy and LIVE normally. Nobody in my life gets it, i have goals and ambitions, i'm not trying to live off anybody. I need more time and understanding, i'm a good a person, i just have problems that a lot of people in my life don't have..Should i not care what anybody says about me? My disorders have always gotten in the way of my life. I'm 21 years old, nothing has gotten any better for me.
Replies
This post sounds really similar to what\'s going through my head most of the time.
It\'s very hard for people to understand that we can\'t function sometimes and that doesn\'t make us lazy, stupid, or bad people. I was supposed to go to college this year, but I couldn\'t do it. When I tell people I\'m on a gap year, they ask what I\'m doing instead and it\'s like \"...\". No job either.
It\'s taking SO LONG to get my life together too.
Realizing that I know myself better than anyone who\'s a jerk about this stuff has helped me not care so much about what other people think. Most know virtually nothing about mental illness, except their preconceived notions.
I\'m trying to keep some sort of faith that things will change at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later. I hope you can feel that too
-Kasia