.... pressure
I do things because I have to...not because I want to. I'm a mother of three kids and they shouldn't have to suffer because I am. Yes, they often see or hear me cry at the oddest times. They know how much I miss my guy. He was just starting to live with us this past summer. We were building our life together. We were talking about having me meet his children. How did this get from the happiest days of my life to being so corrupt with court dates and jail possibilities? I spend my days speaking with lawyers. I am trying to get the most experienced and cheapest lawyer I can find but I need one that will fight hard. How do I know the difference between a good lawyer and one that isn't just trying to tell me what I want to hear? The sad thing is that we have had a stream of bad luck for a while now. We both have pending cases. Mine is no where as serious as his but there's still a fear that I could end up doing time...unless I get a lawyer for me and him. It just feels like all the troubles that we have are falling together and not giving me time to breathe in between. I hear people say, take it one day at a time, but that doesn't mean anything to those that it doesn't affect. Bills are due now. Court fees need to be paid now. I'm trying to stay strong and be strong but it hurts. I miss him so much and that never dulls. Never fades even a little. I just keep pushing on because I have to. I don't have a choice. Crying isn't going to make an ounce of difference but I do it anyway. I just wish I had more time to come up with what he and I both need. I wish our lives could go back to normal.
Replies
Oh I understand everything you said. And, this is still fairly new, so of course you feel this way. People will just have to understand. Ya know what? Yes, you are a mom, but you are also a person. The kids need you yes, but they can also be there for you. I know my Emmy, who is 6 does understand when I am sad, and she tries her hardest to make me feel better. Sometimes it\'s ok to show your emotions to them. They have to learn that life isn\'t all about fun, presents, and what they can have and get.that they want. Sure they need you to be somewhat stable and sane. But it really is ok to let them know that YOU need them too. That you need them to be supportive of you. It isn\'t terrible that they learn that at an early age.
I don\'t know what your kids are like. Hopefully like my Emmy, who always helped me get through it with cute things she said, or hugs at the right time.
I didn\'t know you had something going on with a case for you too. No wonder everything seems so awful. You are getting slammed from every direction. You have been sounding better. Take one day at a time. If you do good for a few hours, YAY, and realize this is normal to be this upset. It will subside a bit as things get more figured out.