Preserved Memories
I have hurt Ruby and made her cry. I have threatened to kill her and her boy friend. I do not know if God will forgive me for this or not. But I want others to judge my behaviour. I may be putting each of her recorded e-mail with me here in journals. This is her first ever recorded e-mail to me. We had started chatting some where by the end of December 2007 and she was the one who introduced me here. Following is the text of her e-mail that has a link in it. I never explored the link. I will be seeing it now by myself. I may have been busy as she sent it to me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indus_Valley_Civilization
Replies
I feel terrible for saying her 3 year old son a \'bastard\' ! I do not know what punishment I deserve now? Can any one honestly tell me?
I guess it is A CALL FOR PUNISHMENT story!
I think we can punish ourselves worse than anyone else when we KNOW we have done wrong. The best we can do is to try to make amends and let it go. Forgiveness and trust may take some time to achieve but just keep doing the next right thing. If you are a sober person then you will know what the next right thing is that you must do.
You sound hurt and angry. Threats, name calling, and stuff like that will hurt you more than her or her son. Can also get you into big trouble! Try to make it right, but if you can\'t, leave them alone.
Sounds like you need time to sort out your feelings and try to make some sense of this.
Was the link just meant to say that she looked up stuff about Pakistan?
There is such a thing as \"guilt\" that is OK - even good - , if it is for the right reasons. Means you\'ve learned something valuable. Doing bad equals guilt. It does not equal you pounding on yourself from now till Judgment Day.
I am happy people are here to judge it out. I want it judged by elders and more qualified people here, and if possible punished/jailed etc. More journal entries will follow for every one. You can give them your deliberation in your spare time. I just want to correct my behaviour when I am angry and in power. It has always put me in trouble. She wanted to look up stuff about Pakistan and wanted to write a book about Islam and Pakistan, plus this was her first ever recorded e-mail with me. One of my account was hacked, so some of her pictures and e-mails got away. I have some 20 or 30 e-mails from her sent to me. I want to judge through others\' eyes if the girl really loved me or not. And that how much and what kind of punishment do I deserve now for hurting her? I just started with my confession while putting some caring e-mails from her to me in my journal entries in days to come for your contemplation!
Shootingstar - where are you? Do you live in the USA? If so, for how long? Did you spend most of your life in Pakistan? Curious to know. Sounds like you are coming from a totally foreign perspective with beliefs and customs. Yes? Relationships in U.S. are WAYYYY different, from the very beginning to the bitter (or sweet) end...
Very interesting...thank you also for your kind reply to my message.
:) meadowinthewoods
I never have been to the US. And I guess that was where problems with that girl arose from! Anyways, I have spent 5 years of my childhood in Belgium and have seen Holland, Luxembourg and the UK with my family in those days and also I attended a Flemish school for 2 years initially!
You threatened to kill her? My friend.. it seems you have some very bad anger issues. I can understand why she does not respond to your attempts at trying to get back together... you have threatened her physical harm and used a horrible insult towards the person she loves most in the world- her son.
You\'ve said that in Pakistan it is illegal to live together without being married, so I\'m going to assume you\'ve never been in a relationship which would have allowed you daily contact with the person you are with... it is my opinion, that you have the potential to become abusive (as we talked about a little in our messages) and that, Ruby is probably concerned about her safety and that of her son..
I don\'t know if you have therapy and psychologists in Pakistan, but I think you need to get your anger under control and figure out how to handle things in a non violent or non abusive way before you can really think about marriage with anyone.