Pre-Op Jitters
One week away from surgery and I'm getting the jitters. Not cold feet, just nerves. This is not just a "go get your carpal tunnel fixed" type of surgery. It's a type of surgery that will change my life forever. The permanency of it is part of the jitters for sure but even more than that is fear of complications.
From all my research and talking to people who have had the surgery it seems like the majority do just fine and those who have complications have not followed the post-op rules. A good portion of them seem to have an addiction to alcohol that exacerbates the situation. Still, the fear is there even though I'm absolutely going to follow the rules to a tee.
Thinking about it, I probably wouldn't have these fears if I hadn't had such a significant complication following my simple colonoscopy/polyp removal. A week after the colonoscopy I woke up in a pool of blood. Ran to the bathroom with blood pouring down my legs and, like an idiot, drove myself the 30 minute drive to the hospital almost passing out on the way.
I was bleeding 300-500ml every 10-15 minutes while I sat in the ER waiting room waiting for my turn to be seen. I'd estimate I lost around 700ml in the waiting room (3 trips to the restroom). For the first time in my life I really thought I might die. I work in a pretty bloody department and I had never seen bleeding that significant. But after multiple tests they narrowed it down to where it had to be coming from, took me back to surgery, and I didn't have another problem after that. Still, it gave me a true reality shock. No, I'm not invulnerable...imagine that!
So I had this nightmare today that I was out of surgery and waking up from anesthesia. I was so thirsty I probably could have drank the Pacific Ocean, frantically thirsty. I looked over at my bedside stand and there was this little 1oz medicine cup of water for me to drink. I started to have a full blown panic attack...which woke me up. Of course I was, in reality, powerfully thirsty, and while I drained a 32oz water bottle I started really having a panic attack. I drink so much water in a day, how can I live on so little water??!
It's so scary! I can't afford to have any complications. I don't have sick time and nobody else is paying the mortgage. I have to work, that's all there is to it. My plan is to use my training from Positive Changes. Visualize it all working smoothly. The weight falling off me while, at the same time, I am feeling healthy and strong. I'm going to listen to the "Make Peace with Your Body" acceleration tape and "Weight Loss, Emotions and Health". It's going to be ok.
From all my research and talking to people who have had the surgery it seems like the majority do just fine and those who have complications have not followed the post-op rules. A good portion of them seem to have an addiction to alcohol that exacerbates the situation. Still, the fear is there even though I'm absolutely going to follow the rules to a tee.
Thinking about it, I probably wouldn't have these fears if I hadn't had such a significant complication following my simple colonoscopy/polyp removal. A week after the colonoscopy I woke up in a pool of blood. Ran to the bathroom with blood pouring down my legs and, like an idiot, drove myself the 30 minute drive to the hospital almost passing out on the way.
I was bleeding 300-500ml every 10-15 minutes while I sat in the ER waiting room waiting for my turn to be seen. I'd estimate I lost around 700ml in the waiting room (3 trips to the restroom). For the first time in my life I really thought I might die. I work in a pretty bloody department and I had never seen bleeding that significant. But after multiple tests they narrowed it down to where it had to be coming from, took me back to surgery, and I didn't have another problem after that. Still, it gave me a true reality shock. No, I'm not invulnerable...imagine that!
So I had this nightmare today that I was out of surgery and waking up from anesthesia. I was so thirsty I probably could have drank the Pacific Ocean, frantically thirsty. I looked over at my bedside stand and there was this little 1oz medicine cup of water for me to drink. I started to have a full blown panic attack...which woke me up. Of course I was, in reality, powerfully thirsty, and while I drained a 32oz water bottle I started really having a panic attack. I drink so much water in a day, how can I live on so little water??!
It's so scary! I can't afford to have any complications. I don't have sick time and nobody else is paying the mortgage. I have to work, that's all there is to it. My plan is to use my training from Positive Changes. Visualize it all working smoothly. The weight falling off me while, at the same time, I am feeling healthy and strong. I'm going to listen to the "Make Peace with Your Body" acceleration tape and "Weight Loss, Emotions and Health". It's going to be ok.
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