Praying to the lord, but he ignores me.

Where do you go when your discouraged? I always feel better at the beach, I've been so stressed out lately. I am just wondering when I will be happy again and theres nothing funny anymore. I'm losing my mind and I'm feeling so guilty, smoking weed until I go blurry just losing focus forever paronid and nervous because I'm high. I am so lost and lonely I thought I had friends but in the end I am just lonely no where to run I feel in terror and no body cares. Flashbacks of drugs are reoccuring and I am just out of it, I don't even like myself how could I get someone else to. Trying to get help but no body understands I'm telling you right now you don't know me.