Praying this pain and lonliness ends someday.

I thought that I would "talk" to my computer.  It always seemed to help to put an entry on Chuck's Caringbridge site when he was ill.
The past few days have been very hard for me.  I have been really missing Chuck, almost like he just died yesterday.  I go shopping and and just out and about; everyone seems to have someone, which makes me feel even sadder.  I have had trouble sleeping, so went to my Dr. to talk to him and get something.  It doesn't help, so guess I will just deal with not sleeping.  I also have fibromyalgia, so have been hurting alot, which doesn't help.  I have had trouble sleeping before Chuck died, so have ways to relax myself.  Last night, I just couldn't settle down.  After trying some things, I ended up sobbing, feeling very trapped, wondering where I could go or what I could do to get some  peace with having Chuck gone.  I finally did settle down and go to sleep
I'm a military wife, so I am used to my husband being gone for long periods of time. I should be handling this better.   It was hard when he was deployed, but I knew that he would come home, plus, we had communication with each other when we were apart.  Part of the reason for these feelings are is that I get stressed over thinking about the things that I need to get done; repairs on the house, bills, and cleaning out things in the house.  Sometimes it all gets so overwhelming.
I try to tell myself that I'm certainly not the only one that is alone, not having their partner any longer.  That thought certainly helps, but those thoughts don't give hugs, a kind, comforting word and just being physically here.
So, I will go on and hopefully with time, widowhood gets easier.  Dear God, I hate this.    
Thankyou for listening computer.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Replies

tessandbarney
tessandbarney

I\'m listening too and so very sorry for how you feel. I\'m approaching 7 months and still feel the way you describe, but not all the time. Please believe that it will get easier with time. I remember that at your stage it was constant and so very bad at times, it makes you wonder how you can possibly live through it to ever get to those easier times, but gradually you will find moments and then longer times when you can feel something other than the anguish you are feeling now. I hope and pray that you reach some of those moments soon and gain some respite from the constant pain. Love and hugs to you, Lottie
Karen-Dugan
Karen-Dugan

i am so sorry for your hurt. I am going on 8 months and alot of times it still feels like it was just a few days ago. Like you I get stressed out about everything, wish the pain and lonliness would at least subside. I so wish i knew the words to say to help you through this, we can only hope and pray.
Just know that you are in my prayers.
Joely
Joely

So sorry you are feeling so lonely!! I know the pain can be so severe, and I\'m certain that does not help your fibromyalgia. I hope you will get to sleep some soon! That doesn\'t help your health either. I know it does seem that it will never get any easier, but, it really will. Not much help now though, is it? We are here for you, just \"talk\" to us and someone will \"talk\" back. That does help some. Hugs, Joely