Powerless

I am powerless over alcohol.....How do I know? Do I really believe this...Have I accepted this 100% Starting 11/30/15 I was sober for 23 days and drank 3 days 12/26 I I was sober for 20 days and drank 2 days Jan 18th I was sober for 21 days and drank 1 day. I did not drink the next day and drank on 2/17.. 2/18 now I have been sober for 7 days After 35 year the last 10 getting progressively worse and losing my mind to the insanity of alcoholism. I must acknowledge this is progress. I cannot afford to demand perfection of myself. I did not enjoy the drinking at all and was sick for a week after. Why would someone ingest poison knowing how sick it will make you? I am leaning my triggers and what to do when they overtake me but have failed to make the phone calls when the obsession overtakes me. I must humble and love myself enough to make the calls to the people who want to help me. I know I am powerless because when the metal craving starts I have no control and I cannot resist it. Rick at my meeting said it is a riddle and I will never have answer as to why so I should just accept it. It is very hard to do than. I am a or used to be a problem solver ...If i could just find the magic root cause I could solve this? But I will never know and no matter how deep i go or long i search I will never have the answer. This is a waste of my mental time and I must just accept it as I accept the sun will rise and set and the birds will sing. My energies and focus should be on getting and staying sober thru the 12 steps. I thank God today for the AA program and the amazing people I have in my life thru the rooms. Posted on 02/18/16, 08:44 am




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