Power Through

I have been worse off than this during my life - when I was married. I am no longer married, not since 1992, and was able to take care of myself and my own until now. Now, I am struggling.  But it is still better than it was when I was married. I guess that there is still hope, but sometimes I feel hopeless. I'm not totally alone here, I have my brother, but he is part of the problem as well. He doesn't pay his own way here, and doesn't understand that. I'm working to make him understand, but for a highly intellegent, highly educated person he can be rather dense when it comes to finances. Since my divorce, whenever things got tough I powered through it. I worked whatever job I could, including driving a cab for 6 months, in order to support myself and my family. Right now, I have a part time job at a dollar store that is helping me more emotionally than financially. I'm looking for a more lucrative job, more in my line of experience and skill set, and possibly a lifestyle that suits me more. Powering through tough times is very difficult, especially when you don't feel up to it. Right now, I don't and haven't for a couple of years.  One of the tricks that I've used in the past that worked was pretending - pretending that I am not a mass of shattered nerves, depressed, anxious, panic stricken. Play acting so that people that either work with me or deal with me in some other way don't realize that I'm a mess. If you can set aside your extra-ordinary issues long enough, you can get through it.  But sometimes I need help to do that. I've been in and out of counseling since 1989; currently out because I have had trouble finding a conselor that can actually help me. The last one, 2 years ago, was so bad that  feared committment if I continued seeing her. Sessions with her were making my issues worse, not better, and not in a good way.  Sometimes Counseling can make you feel worse but actually help. the right counselor is quintessential, because a good one can save you and a bad one (for you) can destroy you. It is their job to get into your head and mess about with things, and if they don't know what they are doing, or they are just not right for you, that can be nothing short of tragic. Welll, I've got to power through this situation, get my expenses under control and get more cash into the equasion in order to financially survive. Emotionally, I'm totally ready to give up, cut my losses, and start over somewhere else. I just don't know what to do with my brother, should it come to that. Good luck to me!