Post Game
Hubs and I had another Tit for Tat skirmish last night. Nothing too bad so far. I walked away when hubs initiated the "You are the most ______ I have ever known" rounds. Yes, dear. Sorry for the errors of my ways. Walking away stops the skirmish in play, but it does not resolve the issue. Nothing too bad so far, but I haven't seen him since then, so who knows?
Taxes are among the legal tangles that come with property inheritance. The county Ag Exemption is what has kept the property taxes low enough that Mister Surname was able to keep the property since 1965. He qualified for the Ag Exemption by renting out grazing rights for a token fee. It is a standard practice, but hubs and his bro were never part of the business. It is new to them. I have seen it from afar for my entire life, but it sure looks different from this side of the barbed wire. I gots me a ton of questions on the subject I have waited a very long time for the right to ask. Hubs just wants an off-the-shelf solution for the books.
At least. . . I think that is a fair way to put it. I have no doubt hubs has another word for every ^it^ in the synopsis. For sure, ^it^ is a well established pattern for us. I believe we enact this ^it^ on just about everything. Volley. Block. Volley. Block, ad infinitum. Any tit you can tat, I can tat better. My mom can become your mom with the sling of a stereotype. That wasn't StePHen F. Foster. It was SteVen F. Foster. Yes, dear.
Whatever we call ^it^, ^it^ is a dance we do together. Teamwork. One partner cannot be any better or worse than the other. Quid pro quo. I am not at all interested in breaking in a new partner, but I kinda like having a partner. I still have faith in my independence, but humans are a gregarious species. I'd still rather be a lone wolf, but I'm stuck with my humanity. Well. . . I have often wondered how often the literal lone wolves grapple with the ache of the place where their pack is supposed to be. Wolves are a gregarious species, also.
Proof unavailable, but I believe hubs and I have been getting some healing miles out of our metaphor, "Learning new steps to the dance." We agree that we don't want the dance to be over. Just practicing the new steps. How'd I do on that walking away step?
Replies
Congrats on the walk-away:-) The first time I asked Hubby to please let me have room between us during an argument felt like climbing a greased pole... Verrrry slippery stuff. But it's better than escalating to words that will hurt far worse than "I have no effing idea what you're talking about, what is your bleeping problem?!" I can survive frustration. Vicious little words thrown like knives? Much bigger ouch for me, and I learned from experts how to use them. My dad could reduce a fellow grown bad-a** to near-tears in less than 20 words, sometimes less than 10.
Puma support as you try to figure out the new dance steps.
You did great. I'm having to learn this very thing myself right now. My situation is vastly different to yours but the Tit for Tat thing still goes. Now I am just letting my stbx ran on and on and on and on and just agreeing with him for the sake of a quiet life til I can get shot of the bastard. But inside I know the truth and am bloody well seething. But yeh good job mate. It sure ain't easy but what in life ever is? Just for the course really. My best to you.
Manda xx
Yea, my first attempts at the walk-away required back up for law enforcement officers. Getting it down to merely climbing a greased pole took allot of practice. I think we might be ready to hang a tether ball from the proverbial greased pole.
The step we have been inserting in recent rounds is, "The Chapter Heading." What are we calling the ^it^ which happened last night. So far, we are not agreeing on our chapter headings, but are letting that be okay. Different chapter headings seem to cause less trouble than different ^its^. Hubs is still using more words than I care to type for his chapter heading. Those are his to sort. My chapter heading is, "Mismatched Energy." He is an intensely busy man grieving the loss of his parents while juggling a mind-ripping number of details. Tax offices are not the only detail sets on his plate right now. I only lost a set of in-laws who never much approved of me, anyway and have enough time on my hands to ask questions that are only more unwelcome detail on his over-full plate.
I didn't understand the walk away method to reduce the volcano eruptions between my son and I until I too had intervention from police. Today, I am able to honor my son's request to stop my words/pedestal speeches when he says 'enough'. I say OK, however we will in specific amount of time, return to complete the issue. Due to his Asperger's I too had to 'run' away to my locked bedroom for mental and physical safety at times, Life is better for us now that we don't live together, and yet, 'the lone wolf life' for me is not fun or happy. A book I read many many years ago was called The Dance Of Anger, by Hariet Learner, woman and intimate relationships, there are now other books she has written. I've never mastered this dance, as at 63, I've not had the ability to trust or even marry. Take care, ML