Possessed?
I have begun to let myself wonder if the two men of the house have been possessed by the dead father-in-law and dead brother-in-law. At the very least, I am projecting like a mad-woman. I almost cannot think about either of them without flashbacks to the original McCoys-in-law. Hubs has become his father and Eldest Son (37) has become Uncle ES in the sensory dysfunction of my current psychosis. I kinda liked Uncle ES, but I was felt emotionally attacked when I tried to say what I liked about him in front of Hubs or FIL. I still haven't mastered the precision dialect my husband's family uses. I just know they sure correct my grammar allot and voices take on angry tones when I fail to understand the grammar lessons. No, dear, we're not angry. We just. . .
Somewhere in the drug-laced haze of late adolesance, ES started talking about how Uncle ES was his favorite family role model. I kinda liked Uncle ES, but he wasnae the role model I would have chosen for my son. I liked Uncle ES's frank answers to honest questions, but he was as childish as an adult could get. He died a stereo-typical bachelor who had lived on Daddy's dime for almost all of his 50+ years. When my own ES (still in his teens) started to speak of him as a role model, I started to ask questions of the folks who had the inside info of all that. It doesn't exist in my own birth family, so I really did/do need the education to deal with it in my son. Fast forward 20 years and the facts are still hidden in hubby's family closet. Here's a nice photo album to look at, dear. Maybe I just haven't mastered the dialect yet.
My greatest certainty is that I *feel* like I have died and gone to in-law hell.
Replies
Still processing my grief over Big Brother's passing. Finding odd comfort in *discussing* these confusions with my IBB. (Imaginary Big Brother).
During Monday's hubby rage, hubby attacked the support I have given him in the Executor duties he inherited with his father's passing on September 29th. Like I have even had access to those duties. . . Big Brother died in January. I was too busy being supportive to commit the date to memory. It was during that particular hubby rage that I began to *feel* like I had died and gone to in-law hell.
It would surprise me greatly if Hubs even knows what month Big Brother died. He might even be surprised to hear he died. He has looked surprised each time I reminded him. Let's hear it for his superior support?
Arfie, i think its time to seek some serious help with your psychosis. Hugs.
My Imaginary Big Sister scares me, so we don't talk. Can't answer on that point. On the rest... Competing griefs make for emotional porcupines, in my experience. Rattling of quills, flinging of darts, etc.... Sometimes, we're not a loved one, merely a convenient target. And we're mean tto be okay with it, b/c hey, we love them, right? Only.... Sometimes love is better at a safe distance.
On the In-Law Reincarnation... all mine still live. But Hubby said to me last year that when mom was in hospital, I became much more like her. As fi I was truying to hold onto what I was maybe losing. That's about all I got on that front.
Support, Arfie. THis is a big old tumbleweed of thorns from the sound of it.
Hi Arfie...sounds like true mountains of *hit, like in monty python, coming down the sides of the castle...wow, I share your belief and your feeling of 'connecting' with your brother, as a way of comforting myself with/for support and guidance with my Heaven Family. All I thought about was displaced emotions being dumped on you as a "safe person" which otherwise could not be expressed...one word: Boundaries. Hugs! ml
Guit-chi report: Complete songs, including new one, coming easily. Lots of angel kisses. Have moved on to next learning song. Phil Ochs, "Love Me, I'm a Liberal."
Colon pain eased today. Appetite plummeted during lunch with YS and GKs yesterday. Nibble nags in progress. Nibbles staying down okay.