**POSITIVE THOUGHTS!!**

Today i'm feeling... nostalgic. A little sad. And completely in love with Sophia's daddy. As usual he got half a day off (haha he's a workaholic), I made him breakfast in bed, french toast and eggs and bacon. We just laid in bed and napped and talked and watched awful basic cable movies :)
He bought a bottle of strawberry champagne last night and i watched the time travellers wife (soo sad!!). But hes working AGAIN and i'm doing homework AGAIN. But i miss him. I think one of the biggest blessings Sophia gave us was bringing us together like this. We used to argue over who would get custody of her when we broke up, now we're honestly working toward a future together. There's nothing like a horrible loss to make or break a relationship.
Its awful to think that by losing my little girl i learned alot. I know wisdom comes from pain but WHY does it have to be such an awful thing that can bring so many good things. I don't think i had very many reasons to live b4 she came around. No real family close by, not too many friends left over after i changed my life around and grew up... i mean i had goals but i was all over the place and didn't have much confidence.
And then when i knew she was in my life it changed everything. I don't think you know what love is until you love your baby.And i thought i did, but i had no idea about responsibility until i thought i was going to support a little girl. You know, she just changed me so much in so many good ways. I like to think that she came to help me, and even though losing her was... so awful i couldn't never verbalize it... I think that there is never a weight put on our shoulders that we couldn't carry. Not that we want to, who would want to experience something like that. And now her spirit is out there helping someone else.
Sometimes i just look at the sky at night and see those stars, and i can almost feel her near me. I hope shes watching over us. And i hope we make it through this. But i have the love of my life and alot of good things in my world. I think i can survive. But i don't think i'll ever be whole again, and i don't think there will ever be a day when i don't think of her.
I'm ok today. I can't say how tomorrow will be though ;)
I LOVE YOU ANGEL BABY! Mommy misses you and wishes you were here. Watch out for Daddy and me and someday we'll see each other again.
 
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I know that feeling. just think positive.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so glad to hear that your little angel has brought so much good into your life. I know it doesn\'t seem like it now, but you and your hunny will start to heal, and live on, I hope you find some peace in each others arms and hearts, XOXOX
Meghan