Positive Follow Up
I had my follow up appointment with my RE yesterday after the miscarrage. As my DH and I sat in the waiting room, I told him that my goal was not to cry. I made it a whole 10 minutes! Little victories I guess.
Just the look on my RE's face was enough. You could just tell that his heart was breaking for us as I am sure he really feels for his patients.
He kept saying...."well we know that it works. you were pregnant" You were pregnant, you were pregnant, you were pregnant. Other than my DH and I talking about it, no one had every said those words and it felt wierd to hear them. I know that I was and I know how I felt on that Monday when it happened and I know that I knew it was over in that moment but there have been 3 years of never being able to say those words so it was like it had never happened. Oh it did happen and there is no denying that I am still grieving.
Those thoughts aside, I know that it is time to move on and figure out what the next step is. We will never forget it but we will find away to move forward it and use it to grow.
RE did say that there comes a time when he will sit with a couple and tell them that they have exhausted all of their options. They need to recognize that the steps ahead may not be what they had planned but it is the only way to move forward. This may include doner eggs and/or sperm, adoption, etc. We are definitely not there yet....thank the lord!!!
Being described as "unexplained infertility" has been part of the battle. Well after our meeting yesterday, it has been labled as "poor egg growth". We knew this after our first progress report when only 3 of our 7 eggs fertilized and then again when only 2 made it through to retreival and still weren't growing as one would hope. Unfortunately that is something that I really can't do anything about but never the less, it is something that can be concentrated on when/if that times comes again.
We did tell him that we definiltey want to go at it again. Money is really the only factor. Do we wait and get as much paid off from the first round as we can (absolutely no insurance coverage) or do we just pile it on top??? I thought about the finanical effect that it would have on us but I knew that it would work and it would all be worth it in the end. Now that we are staring at another cycle, the hardest part is the money. Of course I am devasted about the miscarrage and I have grieved now for a week without an end in site but the money is causing me more anxiety and more and more fear in the whole process. I know once we get starting again, that will go away but there is still a fear of the unknown.
We went ahead and signed all of our consents that we are going to start another round. We also got blood work done to test for genetic deficiencies. I guess it is only an issue for less than 5% of couples but there have been cases where the women will continue to get pregnant over and over again but will always miscarry based on her (or the guys) genetic makeup. If that is that case that donor eggs are the only options. I am not even thinking this is an option nor will I worry about it until the resuts come back but why not just do it to rule it out right now! RE also decided to start me out on double the dose as last time. Trying to get more eggs so we hopefully have a better chance after the retrieval.
My DH is convinced that we will get lucky on our trip to Mexico:) After all of the stories I have heard, I will never count it out! We are going to go and forget about everything and just have a good time. When we come back to reality we can decide when our next jouney will begin!
Just the look on my RE's face was enough. You could just tell that his heart was breaking for us as I am sure he really feels for his patients.
He kept saying...."well we know that it works. you were pregnant" You were pregnant, you were pregnant, you were pregnant. Other than my DH and I talking about it, no one had every said those words and it felt wierd to hear them. I know that I was and I know how I felt on that Monday when it happened and I know that I knew it was over in that moment but there have been 3 years of never being able to say those words so it was like it had never happened. Oh it did happen and there is no denying that I am still grieving.
Those thoughts aside, I know that it is time to move on and figure out what the next step is. We will never forget it but we will find away to move forward it and use it to grow.
RE did say that there comes a time when he will sit with a couple and tell them that they have exhausted all of their options. They need to recognize that the steps ahead may not be what they had planned but it is the only way to move forward. This may include doner eggs and/or sperm, adoption, etc. We are definitely not there yet....thank the lord!!!
Being described as "unexplained infertility" has been part of the battle. Well after our meeting yesterday, it has been labled as "poor egg growth". We knew this after our first progress report when only 3 of our 7 eggs fertilized and then again when only 2 made it through to retreival and still weren't growing as one would hope. Unfortunately that is something that I really can't do anything about but never the less, it is something that can be concentrated on when/if that times comes again.
We did tell him that we definiltey want to go at it again. Money is really the only factor. Do we wait and get as much paid off from the first round as we can (absolutely no insurance coverage) or do we just pile it on top??? I thought about the finanical effect that it would have on us but I knew that it would work and it would all be worth it in the end. Now that we are staring at another cycle, the hardest part is the money. Of course I am devasted about the miscarrage and I have grieved now for a week without an end in site but the money is causing me more anxiety and more and more fear in the whole process. I know once we get starting again, that will go away but there is still a fear of the unknown.
We went ahead and signed all of our consents that we are going to start another round. We also got blood work done to test for genetic deficiencies. I guess it is only an issue for less than 5% of couples but there have been cases where the women will continue to get pregnant over and over again but will always miscarry based on her (or the guys) genetic makeup. If that is that case that donor eggs are the only options. I am not even thinking this is an option nor will I worry about it until the resuts come back but why not just do it to rule it out right now! RE also decided to start me out on double the dose as last time. Trying to get more eggs so we hopefully have a better chance after the retrieval.
My DH is convinced that we will get lucky on our trip to Mexico:) After all of the stories I have heard, I will never count it out! We are going to go and forget about everything and just have a good time. When we come back to reality we can decide when our next jouney will begin!
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