Positive Day
Today was really great. Two days ago I was very anxious and felt really off about going to my Jiu Jitsu class. I called my coach, who is also like a sister to me, and talked to her about my feelings. I told her that the past two classes I noticed that after I would fight and get my heart racing I would start to panic. I knew why my heart was racing, but it still scared me. I also explained to her about my issues with derealization and how scary it is. She was so amazing and told me that she would love for me to come to class that night but would not be disappointed if I didn't go. I decided that it would not be good for me to avoid going--I do not want to start avoiding things. Later that night she calls me and tells me that there is another girl who is experiencing anxiety and who is not coming to class because of it. So today this girl and I took a private lesson with the head coach. We really understood what each is going through and hopefully she will start coming to the big class so we can work together. I really feel that things are looking up. I know that bad days apart of any recovery, and I will try my best to not let the bad days effect my good days. I am starting fresh and am looking forward to rebuilding myself. Its like a quote I read "And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." Today was good. I hope tomorrow is better...but even if it isn't I will try to remember that there is always hope for the next day.
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