Porn is not the Problem - YOU Are
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201305/porn-is-not-the-problem-you-are
I really liked this article. I get so sick of the "Well... he's addicted to porn..." excuse/fog. Really? Umkay. Kinda like my friend who vehemently explained that her husband CLEARLY had a testosterone imbalance because he wanted to have sex two or three times... a week. Oh, yes... clearly it's imbalanced, because he's not a WOMAN. Yeesh. (And for the record, I'm a woman, I don't have a testosterone imbalance, and I crave sex 3X a week, so whatev.)
Now if she said, "He craves sex four, five, six times... a day... and STILL isn't sated..." I'd be more impressed with her problem. But a few times a week doesn't seem so miserable to me, especially if he's an attentive lover. (He's not... but that's a whole different story.)
Anyway... back to porn... I've watched video porn with my husband and had a tepid reaction. It didn't turn me on. It was sort of silly/funny but that was about it. I was curious about what guys would find appealing, but other than that, it didn't entice me to wanna hop in the sack with him - or anyone else. However, we've peeked through erotic photos that left me titillated and I've been a fan of erotic writing since I was a teenager. There have been photos/literature that left me... rrrawwr... warmed up, to say the least, but none that left me "out of control" or doing things I didn't want to already do. It may have heightened my desire to do what I already was naturally leaning toward doing, but it didn't "sway me".
In other words... reading lesbian love scenes may have piqued my interest in sex - WITH MY HUSBAND - but they didn't make me wanna go out and find a girlfriend. Looking at photos of two guys kissing all over a woman's body may have lead me to putting on the sexy naughty clothes for the huz when he got home and whispering naughty things in his ear, but it didn't inspire me to run out and hire two men prostitutes to satisfy my cravings.
OK, so I'm a woman so that doesn't count, right? (Wrong, but whatever...) So OK my husband has checked out quite a bit of weird and kinky stuff visually, but never once suggested it. In fact, once I found a magazine of, let's say, "mature" women under our bathroom sink and when I asked if he had a thing for older women, he was horribly embarrassed and ashamed. No... he said, he was just curious. And in the end, at least to some extent, parts is parts.
I dunno. I guess I just see so many women blaming "porn" for the reason their husband cheated. I'm sorry, ladies, it's not that simple. If anything, he probably was thinking of stepping out BEFORE the porn, and was using it to sort of "hold off the beast" - but in the end gave in because the possibilities were just waived too easily and readily in front of his face. I know that's how it was with my husband.
Sure, I still feel sad/hurt/disappointed/rejected when he will turn to porn before turning to me (he hasn't anymore, to my knowledge and since making this clear to him) but checking out nudies and videos of people having sex isn't what made him cheat. Someone offered and he decided he wanted to. There's no need for a fancier or more in depth explanation - the opportunity came up and he decided to go for it. He didn't consider the consequences, the effects, or the dangers - he just said, "Oh, yeah, that sounds good..." and went with it. If he'd never seen pornography before that, he'd have still taken that choice. The two were not related.
I really liked this article. I get so sick of the "Well... he's addicted to porn..." excuse/fog. Really? Umkay. Kinda like my friend who vehemently explained that her husband CLEARLY had a testosterone imbalance because he wanted to have sex two or three times... a week. Oh, yes... clearly it's imbalanced, because he's not a WOMAN. Yeesh. (And for the record, I'm a woman, I don't have a testosterone imbalance, and I crave sex 3X a week, so whatev.)
Now if she said, "He craves sex four, five, six times... a day... and STILL isn't sated..." I'd be more impressed with her problem. But a few times a week doesn't seem so miserable to me, especially if he's an attentive lover. (He's not... but that's a whole different story.)
Anyway... back to porn... I've watched video porn with my husband and had a tepid reaction. It didn't turn me on. It was sort of silly/funny but that was about it. I was curious about what guys would find appealing, but other than that, it didn't entice me to wanna hop in the sack with him - or anyone else. However, we've peeked through erotic photos that left me titillated and I've been a fan of erotic writing since I was a teenager. There have been photos/literature that left me... rrrawwr... warmed up, to say the least, but none that left me "out of control" or doing things I didn't want to already do. It may have heightened my desire to do what I already was naturally leaning toward doing, but it didn't "sway me".
In other words... reading lesbian love scenes may have piqued my interest in sex - WITH MY HUSBAND - but they didn't make me wanna go out and find a girlfriend. Looking at photos of two guys kissing all over a woman's body may have lead me to putting on the sexy naughty clothes for the huz when he got home and whispering naughty things in his ear, but it didn't inspire me to run out and hire two men prostitutes to satisfy my cravings.
OK, so I'm a woman so that doesn't count, right? (Wrong, but whatever...) So OK my husband has checked out quite a bit of weird and kinky stuff visually, but never once suggested it. In fact, once I found a magazine of, let's say, "mature" women under our bathroom sink and when I asked if he had a thing for older women, he was horribly embarrassed and ashamed. No... he said, he was just curious. And in the end, at least to some extent, parts is parts.
I dunno. I guess I just see so many women blaming "porn" for the reason their husband cheated. I'm sorry, ladies, it's not that simple. If anything, he probably was thinking of stepping out BEFORE the porn, and was using it to sort of "hold off the beast" - but in the end gave in because the possibilities were just waived too easily and readily in front of his face. I know that's how it was with my husband.
Sure, I still feel sad/hurt/disappointed/rejected when he will turn to porn before turning to me (he hasn't anymore, to my knowledge and since making this clear to him) but checking out nudies and videos of people having sex isn't what made him cheat. Someone offered and he decided he wanted to. There's no need for a fancier or more in depth explanation - the opportunity came up and he decided to go for it. He didn't consider the consequences, the effects, or the dangers - he just said, "Oh, yeah, that sounds good..." and went with it. If he'd never seen pornography before that, he'd have still taken that choice. The two were not related.
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